Joeism

Janitor Joe’s line of thinking is highly entertaining to me. We had a weather conversation Monday that went something like this:

Liz:  Damn, Joe. It’s cold out here!

Joe: Yep. The weatherman says it’s going to get down into the 30s. I’ve got to cover 42 tomato plants.

Liz: Seriously? The weatherman said in the 30’s? But it’s mid April.

Joe: I’m not lying, Liz. I even shopped around for a better forecast.

Liz: Huh? What do you mean you shopped around?

Joe: I watched all 3 stations, waiting for a better forecast.

Liz: Why?

Joe: Somebody’s got to have a better deal than 34 degrees.

Liz: Did someone have a better deal?

Joe: Sadly, no.

I really think that the world would be a better place if more people shopped around for their weather. It’s like believing in magic…

•   Comments(8)    Posted by liz on 04/15 at 04:30 PM
•   Digg   del.icio.us   Fark   StumbleUpon

Jack Off All Trades

Yesterday Killer, Clib, and I played a little Frisbee golf and then went to Hobby Lobby. Anytime Killer and I are together, we at least mention the blog. Clib is a semi-regular reader, so he was in on it all. We talked about YOU, we talked about ideas for new posts, and Clib- AGAIN- mentioned how many typos he finds in our ‘work’. I don’t know what he’s talking about.

Lately one of the things I’ve been comptemplating is how I really don’t have a skill. I’m not totally worthless but if I had to survive outside of corporate America, I would starve. I can’t really fix anything, other than dinner, I can’t build or grow anything either. I would like to have a TRADE; something that is legitimate. 3,000 years ago I would have been the second-tier scribe- which means I wouldn’t have made it past 15 years old. I’m already on borrowed time.

The problem is, I’m not quite certain what I want to do. I thought about taking some classes at the local JC, but I don’t want to be an electrician or plumber. Welding sounds fun, but it’s actually dirty work and there’s not much in my subdivision that needs welding. I’m somewhat artsy and wish I could say that I had the talent to use that as my contribution to survival, but that would be a lie. Besides, interior decorating isn’t really a life skill, is it? I’m struggling to find a trade, not a hobby. I want to take a pottery class but, like the Cricut, it’s a middle-class house wife hobby, not a viable skill. So, to recap thus far, electricity is too dangerous, plumbing would require learning about septic lines, welding is dirty and involves fire, and I’m not talented enough to branch into the liberal arts of painting, writing, or pottery.

Old school won’t cut it, so let’s catch up to modern needs. I know I should take some computer classes, but ugh. I’m just not interested! Being a programmer sounds like hell and being familiar with Office Suite Applications doesn’t catapult me into the realm of ‘vocationally skilled”. Food? Every one will need food. But I don’t grow plants well so a garden is out.  Although horticultural doesn’t sound AWFUL. It just gets too hot down here during the summer to give a shit about a garden. If you think about raising livestock, I run into that whole ‘rules of the subdivision’ issue again. And the smell of manure makes me want to vomit.

I don’t know how to gut a fish, skin a deer, weave a basket, sew a shirt… it’s really alarming when I think about what all I cannot do!

So what’s left? How do I become useful?

By the way, Hobby Lobby was having a sale on their crafty printed paper. I stocked up. 08 may not be my year to quit smoking, but by damn it’s my year to make some fucking arts and crafts.

•   Comments(11)    Posted by liz on 04/13 at 10:43 AM
•   Digg   del.icio.us   Fark   StumbleUpon