The Castle Auction

The outside world thinks of Mississippi as a cultural wasteland. I have proof that will dispell that myth! I went to an auction at a castle on Saturday. Much like the grand castles of England or Ireland or Hungary, Mississppi has a castle of its very own.

The castle has been around since the seventies- 1970’s- and is the vision and design of a madman who passed away two years ago. Dale McGee was a guns dealer with, from all accounts, a touch of mental instability and a hedonistic bend. For almost 20 years I’ve driven by that castle and wanted to see the inside so when I heard they were having an estate sale, I had to be part of it! I dressed in my most appropriate court clothes (a Cubs T and jeans) and headed to Raymond.

It was the most grotesque building I’ve ever been in. It’s like the trailer park version of the Playboy mansion. It was garish and obnoxious and creepy but very interesting. As you can see by the exterior photo, the outside of the castle is reminiscent of the monkey house at a zoo. The inside was even worse. There was glitter painted on the wall, which means everything that came out of the house had glitter residue clinging to it. There were tapestries everywhere. There were no less than 4 suites of armor and at least 30 coat of arms. There was a round table (as in Knights of the Round Table). There was BAD stained glass. There was a freaky mannequin in a carriage hanging from the ceiling. There were 185 upholstered chairs- all alike. My boss was there and loaded the purchases and will bring them to my house today. He bought a 4-wheeler for $450. I paid more for things that, in hindsight, make me question my sanity.

I bought a beer stein for $25 that costs $275. German made and stamped, so I went on-line to Thewalt and started checking out prices. My stein is in perfect condition. I couldn’t find the exact stein I bought (it’s really unusual and pretty large), but the sticker was still on the bottom. I’m sure the stein is several years old and likely not being made any more. According to what I saw on line, $300 is about right. I had no idea steins were so high! That’s a good price for a cool purchase.

I should have stopped there.

Seriously.

The WEIRDEST purchase of my day was swords. “I bought swords.” I keep saying that in my head. What the hell was I thinking? If you say “swords” enough times, it quits sounding like a real word- especially when you own them. I bought 3 swords and paid too much. WAY too much, but I can live with it. While they were auctioning the swords, I kept telling myself that I needed one of those. For some reason (sun stroke?) I thought I’d be the coolest kid in my neighborhood if I had a sword to play with. I couldn’t stop at one, because the first one I bought was kind of broken. I’m giving my brother one for Christmas, I’m keeping the small one (it’s a girl’s sword, for sure), and I guess giving one to my dad for his man room. But I bought SWORDS. “Liz bought swords.” That doesn’t make any sense, no matter how many times I say it.

As strange as those purchases are, I also bought a table and 2 chair set of the tackiest Egyptian furniture (reproduced, of course) that I’ve ever seen. But I love it. It’s funky and wild and fun. Check out the picture and feel happy-and sorry- for me.

I did not pay the $998 the seller suggests (that on sale) the chair go for, of course, but I still can’t believe what I just did. Oh, I’m going to freakin’ LOVE this shit but still… WTF?

All I wanted was one chair, but no such luck. I had to buy the set. Several audience auction people referred to the set as “an heirloom piece”. An heirloom piece of garish, obnoxious shit, maybe. My goddaughter gets this set when I die. We share a love of the delightfully tacky. But then again, she’s 7.

I fear I’m reaching the tipping point. My house is (usually) clean and inviting and is appointed with unusual but tasteful conversation pieces (except maybe the 1950’s muscle men pictures ). So I live in this nest that is very colorful and fun but not over the top. I think I’ve pushed that to the breaking point. I think that now I have actually crossed the line I never thought I’d cross. I might as well go ahead and get 6 more cats and carry my sword with me when I go to get the mail. It’s that bad.

I’m not doing this auction thing again for a long while, but Saturday sure was a lot of fun! It will be three weeks before I feel that I’ve showered these damn cooties off of me. I’m telling you, that place was so gross it penetrated my very soul.

And now I own pieces of it.

•   Comments(17)    Posted by liz on 03/16 at 11:10 AM
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One Step Closer to Free Time Fridays

When I’m in school my free time is significantly shorter. If I’m not doing school work, I’m usually feeling guilty because I NEED to be doing school work. Now I’m in the last class required for my graduate degree and it’s going to be.... a total test in tollerence. More on that in a few.

Yesterday I had the 4-hour comprehensive exam that is a requirement for graduation. It’s a test comprised of 3 questions, so obviously they expect several pages of response per question. Before you feel sorry for me (thank you, by the way), you should know that they allow you to bring any books or notes you want to for the test. You should also know that you get to select which questions you want to answer. They give you 8 options and you pick three. One of the questions you answer HAS to be about how the college has helped you be a better Christian. I would say that’s kind of a given- you know, anyone should be able to get through that question. So that leaves two that might be ‘tough’. But they really aren’t tough- they ask you how you’ve used what you’ve learned in the program in your real world. So, also kind of sort of easy?

Unfortunately, we had some criers in the test. Yep. What bothers me so much is that the degree I’m getting is a degree in education. So these women are teachers. I don’t know, but I’ve always thought that if anyone should be able to manage test stress, it should be a teacher! I mean, they’re in a testing environment ALL the time. They should be somewhat immune. Also, the test didn’t force you to recall facts- it asked you what you’ve done in your job. I would think that anyone with a lick of sense could BS their way through it if they had to. Another thing is that if you don’t pass the test, you retake it. And you can bring your notes and stuff in for the retest too. What’s the big deal?

After the test we were invited to stop by room 205 where the KDA teaching sorority had prepared snacks. It was noon, so I stopped by to pick up a sandwich before going to Hobby Lobby. It was a membership drive. Damn it. I hate when I don’t think about their angle! There were 5 women in the room- and that’s the sorority. There was the dean, and then 4 other women who were all in their 40s. I was the first one to finish the test so I was the only victim in the room. I was accosted by one of the sorority alumni who was, I think, crazy. She talked about all the times she has cried because of school and how she cried the day of comps. I looked around and thought, “I’ll bet these people do scrapbooks” and suddenly felt insecure about my Cricut purchase.

The class I’m in now is taught by an adjunct professor. OH MY GOD. Talk about ill prepared. She said things in class like, “I’m not really sure what I’m supposed to do next” and “Your text books were $95? Well, I guess I’ll try to make sure we at least use them some.” She’s not being funny. It’s like they hired her THAT afternoon to teach the class. She made us listen to HER life story for around an hour and a half and then we watched on of the worst videos EVER for another hour. The main piece of this class is compiling a notebook, which she will grade more on thickness than on content. Seriously. She said it has to be 3, but preferably 4, inches thick.

The few times people tried to talk about things of substance, she cut them off (me included). She would go back to talking about herself. It’s like it’s too heavy for her or something. She wants to have informal, meaningless chit chat for 4 hours every Tuesday night, but then we’re going to have a test that will be 25% of our grade. What will the test be? She doesn’t know because she’s using one already developed by the college. Which means it’s not going to be easy!! Remember- I’m paying $1,200 for this class, and $100 for the book!!!

I know my angle. If she likes me, I’ll pass with flying colors. She’s that kind of teacher. If she doesn’t like me, I’m fucked. I’m not good at sucking up and I’m already off to a rocky start. I left class twice before she gave an official break. Man, I had to smoke and then I had to pee. I think she doesn’t like that, but it’s hard to sit still for 2 solid hours when you’re listening to someone talk about their kid and their educational background! These other people can do it- but I don’t know how.

So this is it. I have one final notebook I have to put together as part of my exit work- which I’ll work on next week- and I have this awful class and the awful class requirements. Then, I am finished. May. May. May. I’d trade the next 3 months of my life if I could just wake up and all of this be over!

•   Comments(10)    Posted by liz on 03/09 at 08:25 AM
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