World Famous Meat Curtain

Killer is resigned that his half of the blogging experience should be limited to the following 4 topics:

flatulence
nursing
travel
balls (specifically, HIS)

I love Killer too, but he forces me to spend more time thinking about his balls than is healthy. I hope you checked out his most recent post. He’s now including photos of his testicles on Mt. Rushmore. I think his balls have too much of an ego. From the number of comments his balls posts receive, I think that they think they should have their own fan club.

Well, my vagina is jealous. Always a bride’s maid and never a bride.

Killer writes: And if there is anything that usually gets me going...it’s tossing around my testicles. If my hot, savory nuts can’t get the creative juices flowing...what is the point in having them? I have always assumed they were the source of my creative powers. Maybe like Samson’s hair.

When I read this quote to my vagina, she winked in sadness. “Am I not your source of creative power? Do you not love me like this man loves his balls?” She asked. “Do I not make sacrifices for you? Hell, I’m willing to bleed for you. What does a nut sack offer?”

I had to face it. She’s right.

Too long this blog has been pro-testosterone and anti-giny. I’m taking the girl into the shop this weekend and getting her trimmed up so I can show her off. We might not be so bold as to think, yet, that we belong on Mt. Rushmore, but she certainly can make an appearance getting out of a car or bet flashed on a windy skirt-wearing day. Once we elect a female president, I will rethink my position.

So let it be proclaimed that it’s balls versus meat curtain.

Are you sure, Killer, that you want to go there or can we lay off the ball chat for a while?

By the way, to my friends with blogspot accounts, I cannot leave comments on blogspot anymore, but I’m still occasionally stopping by Chulita, Gwen, and Heather to check out your posts. I hope my vagina and I get this problem rectified this weekend.

•   Comments(15)    Posted by liz on 02/20 at 05:20 PM
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Back to the 90’s

Jester found this video of one of the most contagious songs EVER being mangled and I love it. Now, for your listening pleasure…

•   Comments(8)    Posted by liz on 02/17 at 09:47 PM
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No Ado About Something

I have a friend who has a blog that focuses on religion, the U.S. reputation abroad, conspiracies about our government, the plight of 3rd world nations, environmentalism.... I looked at it for the first time a few days ago. Within seconds, lines were drawn. I used to be the “united, we can make a difference” girl. I believed in activism and in the power of one. Then I got a job and life mellowed and my focus shifted. I think I feel a little guilty for abandoning my ideals. On the other hand, I’m not ashamed of who I am overall- only a little surprised.

When I’m in a reflective mood, I sometimes wonder why I’m not more interested in the things I should be interested in. Here’s a list of issues and items that I should have more passion for than I currently do. After each item is a number. The number represents how much I care about the issue. 0, of course, is absolutely doesn’t affect my consciousness and 5 is somewhat interested, but too much work to think about.

1. My health 1
2. Global warming 5
3. Understanding technology 1
4. Recycling 1
5. What happens after death 2
6. Mending relationships with people I don’t like 4
7. Knowing how to change a flat 5
8. Being energy efficient 3
9. Saving for retirement 5
10. Iran as a threat to our national security 5
11. Local politics 1
12 Lawn care (abiding by covenants) 4

When I look at this list, maybe I am ashamed. Every item I have listed should be something that I am not only informed about, but have some passion for. Instead, here is my list of the things I DO care about. They’re not all shallow, so I should get some points there, but many of them are somewhat embarrassing to reveal. 6 indicates that I am interested and somewhat informed. 10 means this is one of my great passions.

1. Animal cruelty 10
2. Arts in our schools 6
3. My home 9
4. My next vacation 7
5. Not missing The Office on Thursday nights 8
6. Finding good coffee 7
7. Our next president 9
8. Proposed anti-smoking laws 8
9. Illegal immigration 7
10. Universal health care 6
11. Iraq 6
12. Theories about evolution versus creationism 6
13. How my hair looks 8
14. Automobile emissions 6
15. Genetically altered food 6
16. Impact of vaccines and pesticides (ex: links between vaccines and Autism) 7
17. Quality linens 8
18. Good customer care from a business 9
19. The happiness of people (and my cats) I care about 10
20. Misuse of government spending 7

This list seems slightly selfish, don’t you think? If I’m being totally honest, I have to include things like MY house, MY vacation, and (my God) MY hair on the list. On the other hand, MY health means very little to me. I guess because I’ve been blessed with 36 years of good health. I know it’s not going to last and I know that I should be passionate about prevention… yet, meh.

I know that as time marches forward my priorities will shift. I’m just worried that I’ll become even more egocentric. I don’t want that to happen! I don’t want to be the poster child of Capitalism and self-absorbtion. “Get thee to a nunnery!” I want to be kind and selfless and thoughtful and balanced. I want to care less about good cheese and more about third world politics. I want to save my money so that I can live comfortably and still give to others instead of spending my money so that I can play in style. I want to care more about the existence of God and less about my adorable purse.

And I want all of these things without exerting much effort.

Last week at work I was talking to a C-U-T-I-E. He’s got to be at LEAST 10 years younger than me. I could sense myself throwing out these signals, even though I wasn’t trying to, that indicated that I could, potentially, be smitten. The beauty of it all? He was throwing out the same signals. While he’s talking to me, these thoughts were running through my mind, “Might you be the boy toy I’ve been thinking about acquiring?” “I wonder if you live close enough to be at my place within 15 minutes of a phone call being made.” “My God, you look young, but you’re so cute!”

Then he said something about his boss using a lot of profanity and how, as a Christian, this really offended him.

“Fuck!” I thought.

See, he’s the kind of guy that probably cares about all those things I can’t care about. He’s interested in YOUR soul and feels obligated to help save you. I, conversely, find that intrusive and arrogant. Now that I know he values his religion so highly, I don’t respect him enough to sleep with him.

That may be my favorite line that I’ve ever written.

It’s not that I don’t respect people who are religious. I do, sometimes very much. But I don’t respect when you’re so religious that cursing offends your soul. Me and a guy like that? It would never work. I either need to find a good heathen or adjust my priorities.

Fuck.

•   Comments(9)    Posted by liz on 02/17 at 10:32 AM
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