Let Your Baby Rock Out With It’s Cock Out

In a grand moment of “I Wish I Had Thought Of That First” I have come upon a cool product.  Most of you have probably never even heard of this.  I would not have, except being a proud new Uncle, I get to find all kinds of kids products.  I was exposed to this when I stole my sister’s car to go for a spin in a vehicle that did not smell like flatulence and old gym socks (as mine seems to do for some unknown reason). 

It is a company that has taken a LOT of kick ass music and turned it into lullabies for babies.  My sister has the Eagles, Beatles and U2.  I have been checking out the website and found out they have a pretty crazy collection.  I am including some links below to my favorite ones.  The company is Rock a Bye Baby Music, and they have everything from Tool and Radiohead to Nine Inch Nails.

I hope it does not get too confusing.  I only put short clips and I have links to clips of the real song and then the lullaby version.  It is set to open in a new window, to try and cut back on thd back tracking.  Some day I will hopefully figure out how to load music directly to this blog.

Real Metallica
Lullaby Metallica

Real Nirvana
Lullaby Nirvana

Real Green Day
Lullaby Green Day

•   Comments(3)    Posted by killer on 01/09 at 12:16 AM
•   Digg   del.icio.us   Fark   StumbleUpon

Men are From Mars, Women are Crazy

As I have mentioned in the last post, I spent last week with a precocious fifteen year old girl. 

No, it was not in the Woody Allen sort of way, she is my good friends daughter, and he and his wife were there also, I figured I should clear that up before Othurme could accuse me of something in comments.

She was complaining about a sudden break in friendship with her BFF.  It appears that since Bam’s daughter (Unruly Teenager = UT) is currently dating a boy, her BFF is upset with the lack of quality time and has been hanging out with some other girls at school.  UT has deemed those other girls “sluts” so she was demanding that her BFF quit hanging out with these girls.  Her friend declined to stop seeing the offending females, so they officially quit being friends. 

She made it sound so perfectly reasonable.

So, on the flight over there I asked about her BFF, who usually is at their house hanging out, and I was informed of the atrocities being committed by said BFF and that she was official de-BFF’d. 

I tried to explain my confusion about using the title BFF and then claiming the title was removed.  The key to Best Friend Forever is Forever.  It’s not Best Friend Forever Or Until That Bitch Starts Hanging Out With Sluts.  Plus it would not be as cool to refer to someone as your BFFOUTBSHOWS.

I would like to say she listened reasonably to my argument and then debated her point, but she stopped me mid sentence to say I did not know what I was talking about and kept on text messaging.

Two days later however, it seemed the BFF status was reinstated.  The offending friend apparently texted a funny message and all was forgiven.  I tried to remind her of all the bad things she had said about the girl a couple of days earlier, but she just laughed and said, “I didn’t mean that stuff.”

WHAT!!

As a guy I don’t really understand this concept.  You either have a friend or don’t.  There is no friend on Monday, enemy on Tuesday, and friend again on Wednesday.  If friend status is removed for any reason, it is rarely returned. 

She argued that she knew a couple of guys who were friends, but got into a fist fight and then were friends again the next day. 

Well that is different.  Two guy friends can come to a need for fisticuffs and still remain friends, the two things are not related, sometimes your friend needs an ass whoopin’, and it is your friendly duty to provide it.  No mean words are spoken, no back stabbing or dirty looks.  Just start whaling, hug-it-out when it’s over and go get drunk.  Plus, it is often over a female anyway.  Bros before Hos man, Bros before Hos.

She was genuinely distraught over this friend.  Anger was palpable, hatred was being spewed.  How does all that just switch off and turn back to syrupy love?  Is this just a woman ability?  Can all woman do this? 

There are several dames who read this, so fill me in.  As for you guys, be glad all you have to put up with is a simple punch in the face, it seems a lot less painful.

•   Comments(13)    Posted by killer on 01/04 at 12:11 AM
•   Digg   del.icio.us   Fark   StumbleUpon

Party Like it’s 1899

Whew!  I made it home (almost).  I am sitting in the Houston airport waiting for my connecting flight.  A word to the wise:  Never let your company book your flights. 

To get to Miami we were supposed to fly from Jackson, MS., to Houston, TX., to Orlando, FL., to Miami.  We arrived to the airport to find out our flight had mysteriously vanished, but they did re book us on their competition.  We would actually be arriving thirty minutes early.  Now, it would only take us 9 hours to get to Miami, via Jackson, to Charlotte, to Atlanta, to Miami.  We had to run from every plane to barely make the next leg, but by jove, we made every damn plane! 

The return flight?  A simple Miami to Houston to Jackson, but with a five hour lay over in Houston.  Their damn lucky the entire trip was free, or I would really contemplate sending a polite, but passive-aggressive letter admonishing them. 

Bam, in an attempt to also get a free trip to Miami, decided to call everyone he knew in the airline industry until he found someone who could get him there for less than $5.00.  He finally found an old high school friend of ours who offered him one of his employee passes to fly standby for practically nothing.  Mrs. Bam, not being so frugally motivated, and time restricted, insisted on a more concrete travel itinerary.  SO, we pooled our frequent flyer miles and got her a round trip. 

All seemed to be going dreamily when Bam got a standby seat on Mrs. Bam’s 6am flight to Atlanta, but then upon arrival to Atlanta, it all fell apart.  He was informed he was one of thirty people on Standby to Miami, so he could probably count on getting a flight in two days.  Mrs. Bam chewed his ass for trying to be so cheap as she boarded her flight to Miami.  She would call and chew my ass as well when she was stuck in the Miami airport for six hours with all our SCUBA gear, her luggage and no way to get the rental car, which was in my name.

Bam called me, our flight did not leave until 1pm, and said they said all their flights were overbooked to Miami.  I got on line, booked a one-way flight from Atlanta to Ft. Lauderdale that was leaving in thirty minutes (who knew you could do that?) He walked over and they gave him a boarding pass without having to go back out through security.  He would land in Ft. Lauderdale, take a shuttle to Miami airport, and meet up with an increasingly irritated Mrs. Bam (surprisingly feisty for such a small person), rent a different car and head down to Key Largo.  After all that, they still arrived in Key Largo about four hours before us.

It turns out there is no drag parade in Key West on New Years Eve, there is a drag queen who is dropped in a giant red high heel pump at Midnight, but no parade.  We drove the two hours form Key Largo to Key West, arriving around five pm, walked around a bit, drank a few beers, ate some dinner, rode a mechanical bull, and all that before 9pm.  We could not really go in any bars with a minor, so we decided to beat the crowd and head back to Key Largo early.  We managed to watch the New York ball drop and the Key West shoe drop all from the comfort of our hotel room at midnight.  Although this sounds like a disappointing New Year, it is surprisingly how the previous fifteen New Years have ended for me.  For New Years eve I have been in the following cities:  Jackson, MS, Memphis, TN, Atlanta, GA, New Orleans, LA, San Francisco, CA, Missoula, MT, San Diego, CA, Baltimore, MD, Key West, FL, and even New York City, and everyone I was back home watching TV before midnight. 

So, this morning we woke up at three am, drove to the Miami airport, Me and the Bam Fam’s surly teenage daughter flew out at 8am, Mrs. Bam flew out at 9am, and Bam had to catch a shuttle back to Ft. Lauderdale to catch a Southwest flight back home.  It seems standby is really not all that reliable. 

The official Miami/Keys recommendation:  Fly into Miami and spend a few days there then drive the three hours down to Key West and spend a few days there.  Don’t try and do it all in one location.  That is a lot of driving. 

Regardless, we got to do several bad ass dives, did some shopping in Key West and Miami Beach, wrecked the rental car, and not once did I have to wipe anyone’s ass besides my own.  That last bit alone makes any vacation worth while. 

I’m including a few more Florida shots. 

This is the red shoe in Key West, sans the drag queen.  I mean, would you want to sit in a giant red shoe for more than a few minutes?

This is me riding the mechanical bull.  I did NOT last eight seconds, kind of like my sex life.

Has anyone else been on vacation with a teenager?

•   Comments(8)    Posted by killer on 01/03 at 12:04 AM
•   Digg   del.icio.us   Fark   StumbleUpon