Clean Up, Asile 6

I know a few janitors. I usually find janitors to be pretty cool people, so if you don’t know your local custodian I recommend that you get to know him immediately. Janitors usually have wonderful weekend stories and like to live quietly outside the law. They also usually eat really weird food and like to talk about it. They are often impressed by your ability to find information on the Internet and are the first to help you out when something heavy needs lifting.

Hanging with the janitors is fun for a variety of reasons. I think it’s the Kool cigarettes and life experience. It’s like listening to a blues record without all the bitching.

This one janitor I know has a lady ‘on the side’. Now, you should know that all of what I’m about to write comes from a very reliable source, but is not something I would swear to in a court of law. However, the story will work a lot better if you will just accept this as fact.

Periodically this janitor will go and visit said lady during his lunch break. I don’t know if these visits cost or if they are a free service. He’s been doing this for years- long before I was aware of his prowess and his way with the ‘chickens’. I think in some ways, over time, he became addicted to the occassional naughty mid-day sex jaunt. That happens.

Recently his vehicle was out of commission but his need for afternoon delight was not. Arrangements had to be made if the redevous were to continue, but he obviously could not ask the lady to come and pick him up. He also couldn’t ask one of his coworkers for a ride. Affairs aren’t secret if your coworkers are involved.

I think what this janitor did is amazing and ballsy. Very smooth, very Hong Kong Phooey.

He got his FATHER IN LAW to take him to his girlfriend’s house.

Yep. The father of his wife took him for WEEKS to his girlfriend’s shack and then back to work.

I think anyone who can manage that kind of magic deserves a gold star. I’m still amazed. How do you approach that topic with your father in law? Where does Pops go while you’re in there banging some other woman while his daughter is at work? How do you finesse that? How do you play that?

And people assume janitors are stupid. How many of YOU have YOUR in-laws taking you to your sugar shack on lunch break?

EXACTLY. Me either.

The next time you see someone pushing a mop, I hope you’ll remember what else he might be pushing and ask him for a moment of his time. If you hang around long enough I doubt you’ll be disappointed by what you learn. You might be shocked, but not disappointed.

•   Comments(10)    Posted by liz on 01/31 at 05:07 PM
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Frothy Goodness

Ever since I got back from Italy this summer I’ve been searching to recreate that delicious coffee. I may have mentioned that the cappuccino over there took hold of me in a way that no man has yet been able to. It was superb and heavenly. Sigh.... I have missed it. Upon my return to the states I went to Starbucks- which, by the way is THIS close to being on my list of evil empires- and ordered a cappuccino. It was swill. Not fit for consumption, much less worth the $4 I ridiculously shelled out for it.

I have considered buying a cappuccino maker. Since they were all the rage around 5 or 6 years ago, I figured I could get one now at a reasonable price. I thought I’d try e-bay, but that would mean opening an account and trying to figure out how e-bay works. I know, don’t scold. I can’t help it. Plus, I don’t really want that thing hogging up precious space on my counter-top.

This weekend I made french toast and really really wanted a coffee treat to go with this multi-grain extravagance. I have one of those ?? emulsifiers?? that you can use to whip things and mix soups or other liquids. I poured in some milk- because I never finish a whole half gallon- and watched my 2% foam to heights I didn’t know 2% could foam to. I then poured that into a cup of freshly ground and brewed coffee and my God!

I think it’s a latte and not a cappuccino, but damn it was good!

The real question is, when did I start giving a shit about my coffee? That’s such a middle class middle aged Yuppish thing to focus on. Less than 1 year ago, I thought Burger King coffee was the pinnacle. 2 years ago, I was drinking coffee from the convenience store up the street. 6 years ago, I didn’t even drink coffee. What the fuck, man? What the fuck?

Have you ever tried to order a ‘large’ coffee at a Starbucks? You can’t do it. Actual conversation:

ME: Hi. Yes. I’d like a large Mocha
SB: You mean a Grande Mocha?
ME: Yes. A large Mocha. With some sugar.
SB: So you’d like sugar in your Grande Mocha?
ME: Yes. A large Mocha with sugar.
SB: Grande Mocha coming right up!
ME: (whispering) Large.
SB: (not whispering) We need a GRANDE Mocha with sugar.
ME: You know what? Let’s make it a medium…

Cold stare. 30 Seconds of silence…

SB: Change that to a Venti!!

ME: (under my breath) I hate this fucking place.

•   Comments(13)    Posted by liz on 01/29 at 11:52 AM
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A Tall Glass of Me

The Recipe For Liz

3 parts Impishness 2 parts Tease 1 part Boldness Splash of Playfulness Finish off with a little umbrella and straw

Roadchick had this on her blog. I thought I was supposed to make up my own recipe for ME and came up with

Equal parts inappropriate language and cleavage
2 parts loud
1 part smoker’s cough

Mix well and finish off with a big stick

Because Word Verification wouldn’t work, I ended up going back to her original post and saw it’s one of those things you do. So here’s my thing. You can do your thing too.

By the way, Impish means mischevious. I had to look it up. At first I was offended- until I realized that it was actually kind of accurate. 

•   Comments(6)    Posted by liz on 01/28 at 06:11 PM
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