Have You Seen My Blog Partner?

Lost:  Liz

Description:  Big Boobs, Sandra Bullock Bangs, Wine Glass in one hand, Cigarette in the other.

Last Seen:  11/10/07

Possible Locations:  A dark, seedy bar, A hip, martini bar, A smoky blues bar, driving to or from some bar, or at her house drunk.

My beloved blogging companion Liz has been missing for several days and I am distraught.  She is known to partake in alcoholic beverages and might have wandered off in a drunken stupor and is now unable to find her way home.  Though named Liz, she often answers to Busty Larue or Booby LaBoobula.  She is very trusting, so she might be seen hanging out with cheesy drunk Rednecks, or mullet wearing child molester types. 
Although innocent looking, Liz can quickly become angry and violent at a moments notice; especially if you fart in her general vicinity.  If you have recently eaten any gaseous foods, it is probably safest to just call and notify the authorities, rather than risk bodily injury.
If you have any information leading to the safe return of Liz, please email . 

Reward Offered! special notice:  Liz does not qualify for reward for turning herself in.

•   Comments(7)    Posted by killer on 11/20 at 12:01 AM
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Photo Update

Last Tuesday I wrote about getting arrested in a small town in Holly Springs, MS.  You can go back and read about it Here.

I recently found my storage box with all my photo albums from over the years.  So, be prepared to be bombarded with photos in the next few days. 

It’s easier than actually thinking of things to write.

This first pic is the group that made the late night run to Graceland Too with the cop who eventually let us pay a “fine” and go on our way.  I think I am holding a receipt he gave me for paying the fine.

This pic was taken right as he is winding up to kick me in the ass.  The secretary taking the picture took it too soon and missed the actual kick.  He kicked me pretty hard.  No so hard as an ass raping, like I would have received had I gone to jail for this crime, but still pretty hard.

This is actually a random shot.  We were on a cross country journey to the Grand Canyon.  We saw signs for “The Devil’s Wire” Museum.  We pulled in to check it out.  It appeared to be a museum dedicated to barbed wire.  We were too early and it was not open yet.  Awwww....we didn’t get to learn anything about barbed wire.

Those are giant balls of rusty barbed wire.  If my balls were that big and rusty, I would be very proud.  My thighs would probably hurt all the time, but proud none the less.

•   Comments(4)    Posted by killer on 11/19 at 12:05 AM
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NaBloPoMo Weekend Edition 3

An educational video presented for your enjoyment.

This is the video I watched repeatedly before I met Jester.  I wanted to make sure not to give the wrong impression. 

I met Othurme at the same time, he was what the video refers to as a “nuzzler”. 

•   Comments(1)    Posted by killer on 11/18 at 12:11 AM
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NaBloPoMo Weekend Edition 3

For those of you reading blogs on the weekends...I’m sorry.

Today I would like to take a moment and give a shout out to blog comment spammers.

For those of you who don’t have blogs, or those that don’t get the ass load of comments from spamming bastards, you don’t know what you are missing.  We average about ten a week. 

The vast majority of them are directed at one post, Liquid Ass and Gold Chains.  This post was of course written by Liz.  She is steadily dragging us into the gutter.  On our old site, she wrote a post about embarrassing visits to the gynecologist and we would receive a dozen google hits a day from scared tweener girls looking for support and freak fortysomething guys looking to get themselves off. 

I should really discuss the appropriateness of her blog topics.  We don’t want to get dragged back down into the gutter after working so hard to gain some respectability.  All I seek is a place where I can discuss my balls in peace and quiet.  Is that so much to ask?

Anyhow, back to spammers. 

If you really think anyone is going to read your spam comment about fifteen year old girls having sex, and then follow a link to your website you are sadly mistaken.  No one hear wants to have sex with little kids.  Now, if you have a site about farm animals, bring it on, otherwise quit wasting our time.

It might seem otherwise, but I really don’t need help with penis enlargement.  Anyone who needs more than my two inches is a slut and I don’t want anything to do with them.

I have no intention of investing in FLG.  I don’t even really know what the hell that is.  Why do you keep telling me about the ups and downs of this “stock”.  If that mentally delayed guy who empties the trash cans at the hospital can’t convince me to buy stock, why would I listen to some stranger on the internet?  I am sticking to my long term investment of putting all my cash into Enron stock.  I refuse to take advice from anyone, and will ride it out to the bitter end.

Sorry if you only read me on the weekends.  It is really not my best work.

•   Comments(5)    Posted by killer on 11/17 at 12:42 AM
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Gratuitous Baby Exploitation

Don’t tell my sister, but I am getting concerned about my nephew.  I think they might be raising him to be involved in some deviant behavior. 

They keep sending me pictures of him in compromising situations.  For a nine month old, he is suspiciously advanced in his development.  He can run around the house and open cabinets.  He is only days away from figuring out what the doggy door is for and being a free man.

The bring another baby to the house a few days a week to hang out with him, but I don’t know where this kid is from.  She seems shading at times and often looks at me nervously.  I think she might be providing my nephew with drugs. 

I have a picture to support my suspicion of drug use.

He does have good moves; just like his Uncle Killer.

Now, I’m no saint.  I experimented with my fair share of narcotics in High School.  I have heard that today’s youth were starting down that path a little earlier than in my day.  I just worry that it might lead him to the same poor choices I made. 

In order to support my bad habits in college I did a little time as a male stripper and I don’t want that to happen to him.  However, I fear it might be too late.  One of the pictures makes me believe he is already gearing up for that career path.

•   Comments(9)    Posted by killer on 11/16 at 12:02 AM
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