Excerpts From a Night of Drinking

Now that I am in the same metropolitan area (well, as metropolitan as Mississippi can muster) as Liz, we have more opportunities to get together and drink, cuss and gamble.  All of which Liz is really good at.

Friday night was one of those gatherings.  Five people in attendance, all outspoken and all funny as hell.

I realized after the first hour that if I just wrote down random sentences, out of context, it is REALLY funny, and frightening.

Below is a list of those sentences.  No context will be given, nor will the name, sex, or choice of inebriating substance.

At the end of the night I read them all to Liz.  She was allowed to exclude one sentence from the list, as did I.  Both would have altered the outside world’s views of us drastically, or maybe we are both being too naive about how you all already view us.

“Quit smelling everything in my house to see if it smells like pussy!”

“Every man here can blow better than I can.”

“You’ve never even tried it; you may love stripping.”

“You just missed my very touching moment...so fuck off!”

“You were so spry when you were younger.  Now you just leak pus everywhere.”

“I have a drink for you, it’s called Killer’s sperm.  Once it’s in your mouth it is like a million tiny Killer’s bouncing off your cheeks.”

“That bitch should be shot in the tit.”

“I bet I can drive better than your 90 year old Grandmother; if she’s still alive.  If she’s not, then I KNOW I can.”

“I’m only a bottom when Killer’s in the room.”

“They notice me...I don’t notice them until their dick is on my leg.”

“I drink too much to collect things.”

“Blog about that time I rested my balls on your eye sockets.”

“You can’t post that...I’ll call Jester right now to shut the blog down.”

“Well I had fun with all you guys over.”

•   Comments(12)    Posted by killer on 08/06 at 12:01 AM
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Wii Wii Wii all the Way to the Hospital

Penny Arcade Comics

Occasionally in my life I will purchase items that I KNOW will cause me bodily harm. 

The most frequent is at last call at a bar, when the bartender asks if you want one more.  I will have a full beer that looks like two since I am so inebriated, but I will order one more, just because it is last call.  This is an example that can be blamed on outside influences; peer pressure and drunkedness.

The newest body harming purchase is a Nintendo Wii.

While in Memphis this past weekend I played Disco’s Wii for hours with him and Chad. 

It is designed to draw you in.  First, you make a Mii; which is a goofy looking version of yourself to play all the sports with.  Then, you fling your arms around like crazy to play said sports. 

To bowl, you actually fling the ball like crazy, and tennis practically causes you to rip your arm out of the socket to slam it back over the net.

My arm was sore after playing one night at Disco’s.  So, what do I do, immediately upon returning home?  I convince Bam to go in half on a Wii console.  I am having to type this one handed because I think my shoulder is broken. 

The game is loads of fun, but it will kill your joints and cause you to say very unpleasant things to the fourteen year old daughter of your close friends.  There is no excuse for me to lose in a boxing match to a little girl.  It hurt my soul. 

The only more physically damaging purchase I have made was when I bought a giant box of porn from a friend.  After about 24 hours I was severely dehydrated and had some serious protein deficiency.  It was weeks before I could wear pants or move my left wrist. 

Live and learn.  Live and learn.

•   Comments(17)    Posted by killer on 08/02 at 10:28 PM
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Travel Pics:  Sunset in San Juan Del Sur

Last summer Chad, Bam and myself spent a few weeks backpacking about Costa Rica and Nicaragua.  We spent only a few days in Nicaragua; all in San Juan Del Sur, a small coastal town just above the South West corner above Costa Rica. 

Upon arrival we got a room and then walked to a small beach front bar, where we would stay from around 2pm until after sundown.  We just sat, drank beer and watched the sun go down. 

It was, debatably, one of the best days of the trip.  I had been meaning to post some pics of the sunset, but I have been waiting almost a year for Bam to give me his camera to upload the shots to my computer. 

Tonight, that was finally accomplished.

The pics will show the gradual change as the sun dropped.  This first is after we had been there a few hours.

Somehow we managed to stand up for this picture.  And, we managed to speak coherently enough to someone else to take the shot.

If you ever get the chance to get down that way, San Juan Del Sur, Nicaragua, is highly recommended by us.  Very laid back and easy going atmosphere. 

•   Comments(12)    Posted by killer on 08/02 at 12:09 AM
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