Who Doesn’t Hate A Traffic Jam?

Man Pushes Would-be Jumper off bridge

The above mentioned link, though unfortunate, made me smile.  I like the guys take-charge, problem solving attitude.  I also can only tolerate a traffic jam so often.

I am just going to cut and paste the article as well, in case you are too lazy to follow the above link.

Mon May 25, 11:56 am ET

BEIJING (Reuters) – A Chinese man was pushed off a bridge by an angry passer-by after his threat to commit suicide held up traffic for five hours, Chinese media reported on Saturday.

Retired soldier Lian Jiansheng, 66, broke through a police cordon and reached out to shake the hand of would-be jumper Chen Fuchao before shoving him off the bridge.

“I pushed him off because jumpers like Chen are very selfish. Their action violates a lot of public interests,” Lai was quoted as saying by the China Daily newspaper.

“They do not really dare to kill themselves. Instead, they just want to raise the relevant government authorities’ attention to their appeals.”

Chen, 2 million yuan ($293,200) in debt because of a failed building project, fell 8 metres (yards) onto a partially inflated emergency air cushion and was hospitalized with wrist and back injuries. Lai was detained by police.

Chen was at least the twelfth person since early April to threaten suicide at the same spot, the Haizhu bridge in Guangzhou. But none jumped and—until Lian gave Chen a helping hand—none was pushed.

(Editing by Jerry Norton)

Could you imagine trying to drive home from work, and for the TWELFTH time, traffic is stopped at the same bridge for a jumper.  Especially on a bridge that only has a 8 meter (26 feet or about 2 stories) drop.  Lian Jiansheng is my new hero.  I wonder if he has any tshirts for sale?

New Obsession: Big Butts

I know I am “behind” the times on this, but I have become fascinated by huge butts. I don’t mean shapely- I mean those “sit a tray on that thing and have some dinner” sized rumps. This is not a sexual attraction, it’s a “does not compute” stare down. And it all started with Lil Rounds on American Idol.

I will NOT use the term “baby’s got back"- because I am above such cliches.... but… young lady has rear! And her NAME is Lil Rounds. That’s the most ironic name she could have. Her name should be Hugh G. Rounds, or Loveme Rounds, or Biggie Rounds. Pretty much anything but “Lil” would work.

I am not shamed by this new obsession. How can this not make you stare?

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And I wonder why it’s mostly women with huge, round butts. I have a friend whose sister once said that when he gains weight he gets “hippy”. Those words, in that order, make my ears perk up. “What?” HE gets hippy? How unfortunate.

When doing my Goggle Image search for this post, I found another picture of a butt you might regret looking at. I can’t help it. This is nasty, but I love when people think they are being hot, but they’re just being assholes. Huh. Assholes. What a choice word to use.

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Welcome, Otto!

May I introduce you to Otto Fluffybutt! Here he is, doing one of his many tricks: SLEEPING IN THE FOOD BOWL
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Here you can see a second trick he has mastered, BEING SMALL
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And the third and final trick for today, FLIPPING OFF LEON
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As you might guess, I am smitten with this kitten! The not so great news? I think he’s a Himalayan which means MUCH hair and shedding. Himalayans also have leaky eyes (WHAT??) that have to be wiped daily and they have to be brushed 5 to 7 times a week. Uhh… Not cool. But it’s too late now. I adore him.

Leon is not taking this well. After five days, he is finally able to be near Otto without running under the bed. I can tell this adjustment won’t be easy, but come on! How can you not love THIS?
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Undoubtedly, This will Happen to Me, at the hands of Liz

Upon reading this article shivers ran down my spine.  I have an eerie feeling that this has come very close to happening to me at Liz’s house on numerous occasions.

Man Causing Real Stink in Motel Room Gets Stabbed
AP
Thu Apr 9, 9:00 pm ET

WACO, Texas – A man was stabbed after causing a stink — literally — in a motel room while eating with a friend, police said. Five men from the Houston area were sharing a Waco motel room Tuesday night, and two were inside the room eating when one had a flatulence problem, Waco police Officer Steve Anderson said. One man was so upset about the gas that he threw a large knife at him, cutting his leg, and then stabbed him in the chest, Anderson said.

The 35-year-old man was transported to a Waco hospital, where he was treated for what appeared to be non-life threatening injuries, Anderson said.

Jose Braule Ramirez, 33, of Houston, was charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, police said. He was arraigned Wednesday and was being held in the McLennan County Jail on $15,000 bond and placed on an immigration hold, according to jail records . He cannot be released, even if he posts bond, until authorities verify he is in the country legally.

A jail spokeswoman who declined to give her name said she was not allowed to release information on whether Ramirez had an attorney.

I don’t want to be inappropriate and speak of such things as flatulence in a public forum, but on rare occasions, I have been known to have some uncontrollable, and regrettable, gaseous issues at Liz’s lovely home.  No accusations are intended, but I have seen her reaching for sharp objects and giving me threatening glances.  I personally feel that I have NEVER flatulated in her home without remorse and only when completely necessary to avoid bodily discomfort. 

I certainly have never done it maliciously and upon her complaints, I have ALWAYS ceased to do so.

I for one am outraged by this lone man’s reaction to flatulence and am praying this does not become a pandemic, or mass hysterical reaction that our often too-fast-to-react society embraces.

I am going to try to get some air time on the O’Reilly Factor to try and address my concerns

One Down Cat

In memorial:
image Last week I had to put Sneaker to sleep. It was time, and I am surprisingly not devastated. I think I had plenty of time to prepare for this. He’d been off for a while.

While in line to pay for the blood test that proved to be his death sentence, a woman walked in with a TWO WEEK OLD kitten. I have never seen a cat so small. It was so tiny it almost wasn’t even cute. That’s the way I feel about children. When they are brand new, they are freakishly unable to contribute anything. I have a friend who’s wife recently had a baby. I went over to see the new one and held it. She was sweet and interesting looking. Her eyes stayed closed and she made weird faces in which every muscle would scrunch up simultaneously. While I was there she cried little and pooped once. She didn’t tell any jokes, she didn’t make us any snacks, she didn’t read us a story. She just laid there- making me nervous about her soft spot.

This kitten was so helpless but in it, I see great potential for him to be adorable. I of course held it the moment the woman walked in with him. He snuggled.

I think I’ll name him Niles. Or Otto. Or Jeeves. Or Peeve.

IF I decide to take him.

I know it sounds like a forgone conclusion, but it’s not. I was able to get rid of Sneaker’s litter box, which is fantastic. And kittens can be demanding. The scratch on furniture and the have these hilarious bursts of energy. I love those bursts, but not at 2 A.M. I know one day I will get a kitten, but I don’t know if I’m ready yet. My heart is ready but it’s the rest of me I’m worried about. Little man will be ready in about a week and a half. Leon seems lonely and is getting on my nerves with his constant chatter and new found insatiable passion for swirling around my ankles. What do you think? New kitten in two weeks or will I deny it this go around?

Last night I had a dream that Ashton Krutcher was staying at my house because his roommate had kicked him out. Apparently I was forcing him to have sex with me while he was staying with me. My boss (who isn’t really my boss but rather I woman I’ve never met) got on to me at work about it and I WENT OFF. She was telling me how wrong it was of me to force this young man to sleep with me against his will. I gave a long speech about being almost 40 and him being fine and how if I were Carrie Bradshaw we wouldn’t be having this argument. I had my finger in her face, yelling articulately. In the end, I won the argument but later learned that Ashton had ASKED HER to confront me.

When did my dreams turn against me like this? This was an NBC version of the events named above, aside from extreme profanity on my end. In this dream I was humiliated and angry. I thought in dreams you got to be whatever you wanted. Do I really want to be the matriarch of the sex-slave industry? Jeez. 

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