Why I’m Up at 2 AM

Expectations are a dangerous thing.

Supposedly, there was to be a meteor shower this morning at 2. Being a sucker for celestial events, I decided to realize my 15-year goal and wake up at a ridiculous hour to watch the show. I went to bed extra early, set the alarm and double checked it, and fell asleep dreaming of the forthcoming awesomness. At 1:40, I started hitting snooze- finally talking myself into rousing. “Liz. This is your pep talk. GET OUT OF BED. It’s a meteor shower! Nature’s own fireworks show! You must rise. Make coffee. Fulfil your dreams!” So I get up, make coffee, and go outside.

It’s fucking cloudy. And now I think it’s even raining. Either that or it’s the sound of my tears hitting the keyboard. Tears streaming for sleep lost.

I know what you’re thinking, “A simple check of the local forecast would have prevented this.” I thought of that, but was too busy making preparations for my early rise to actually watch the local news. And by 10, I was asleep with a warm smile on my face, dreaming of the firey beauty to come. This SUCKS. And now I am awake. And that is definitely rain.

In other news, I thought I had quit smoking. It was quite a feeling of accomplishment. I hadn’t yet reached the point where I chastised those who did smoke, but I was getting close. That is, apparently, how you really know that you have quit. You see, until you become a raging asshole about smoking and smokers, you’re still on the edge of returning to your sinful ways. I was getting close to using quips like, “Look at Joe Cool over there with his smoke dangling from his lips,” and “God. This bar is SOOOOO smokey. I wish they would ban smoking in public places! (disgusted grunt).” But then I started drinking and there is no road to hell as well paved as the road littered with beer cans. I could turn it around right now if I set my mind to it. I could just not smoke before the nicotine totally grabbed my system again and took hold. But I do love it so.

I once had a guy say to me, “You’d better put those cigarettes down before you’re not so good of a catch anymore.” WOW. That statement will really make you stop and reflect on what’s important. He thought I was a good catch!

I’ll smoke to that…

•   Comments(15)    Posted by liz on 08/12 at 12:56 AM
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The Stand Off Continues

I swear to God I can’t remember how to spell check this damn blog. It’s been that long since I’ve written! Sorry. You’ll just have to sort through all the misspellings if you care to finish the post. I thought Killer would have broken by now and posted something. He once posted pictures of flowers he had drawn on his ass. I can’t believe he hasn’t thrown something up for you to read! He thinks so much less of you than I do. You see, THIS half of Killer Rantswon’t write just ‘cause. I have to be moved; I have to feel I have something worth sharing. Oh. And I have to be in the mood.

The sense of obligation to post has been overtaken by my lack of interest in writing. I don’t expect you to bear with me. I hope you’re disappointed. Hell, be angry! You deserve it. But it doesn’t change the fact that pecking at keys does not appeal to me at the moment. I hope I’ll be back. Blogging has always been a lot of fun. Just, lately, Meh.

I went to see Momma Mia tonight. I wanted to gouge my eyes out and pierce my ear drums. I don’t think any amount of alcohol or any drug would have made this movie bearable. The two friends I went with (one guy, one girl) both loved it. I found it repulsive and would have walked out had I not been waiting for the reveal of the ‘father’. It was a waste of my life, even though had I not gone I would have only been home watching The Office reruns on TBS. I will say that I now crave an ABBA CD and went to Overstock.com to check out prices. SOLD OUT. You know those 4 bandmates are stunned at this resurgence. Good for them! I’ve always liked the light cheese of ABBA. This revival almost justifies the filming of Momma Mia.

ALMOST.

I also saw Batman a few weeks ago, which I liked. Killer said it got too long. I do not agree. I, however, was on pain pills when I watched it, so my sense of time was distorted. I think we both thought, however, that although Heath Ledger did a good job playing the Joker it wasn’t any Oscar-worthy performance.

Although I’ve done more than watch movies since we last met here, that’s about all I can muster for now. Fuck! There’s the spell check button. Excellent. I know I spelled resurgence incorrectly!

Until next time, be well. 

•   Comments(10)    Posted by liz on 07/29 at 10:02 PM
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Expose Deux

Do you remember around 4 months ago when I went to get a pedicure and gave the dude doing the pedi a major flash of crotch? I finally got my nerve up and went BACK to the same place (it’s RIGHT up the street) Tuesday afternoon. I felt pretty comfortable. I am almost certain the man did not recognize me. I felt secure and relaxed and enjoyed the experience.

Until I left the salon and got into my car and realized the button across my chest was undone!

I’m not kidding. This is TWICE- the only two times I’ve been to this place- that I have exposed my unmentionables to this Vietnamese guy.

Valerie says the guy is going to think I’m after him and that next time I leave the salon I’ll find a note on my car.

I said that I agreed and that the note would read “Whore, leave my husband alone”.

•   Comments(9)    Posted by liz on 06/19 at 04:35 PM
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A Common Thread

Sometimes I wonder if I’m the only person who thinks of certain things or behaves in peculiar ways. I know I can’t be, I mean, CERTAINLY someone else…

1. Has fantasies of having all personal zits and blemishes combined into one giant Blit, probably located on the ass or back of one knee
2. Thinks that home air conditioning units should have an option of nitrous oxide. And that this should be government subsidized.
3. Believes that figs are greatly under rated
4. Knows that a cigarette COULD be made that has health benefits
5. Spends, and for years has spent, countless hours designing their dream home- with absolutely zero chance of this home ever being built or owned
6. Sometimes answers questions out loud.... when no one else is in the room. Sometimes it’s even worse. It’s like a grunt or an ‘Hummmmm’ instead of a real word
7. Pretends to have her own cooking show where profanity is the spice of choice
8. Thinks regularly of MacGyver and Magnum
9. Is actually proud of how many hours they can sleep
10. Is terrified of ostriches

Anything listed sound like you? Or am I truly alone with this one?

•   Comments(12)    Posted by liz on 06/05 at 03:25 PM
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The Search Ends Here?

Take the Religion Test at Quiz Rocket.com!
Free MySpace Quizzes & Online Quizes.

I have spent the past hour looking on line for a meaningful quiz to help me frame my religious beliefs. The first quiz told me I was a Christian, and read, “Ekk. I’m vomiting. Can you tell I’m an Atheist?” This let me know that either a very immature adult or silly teen angst created that quiz. I’m sure it’s on someone in Arizona’s Face Book page and kids between 12 and 16 are FREAKING OUT that someone’s BFF didn’t get the same score as the rest of the choir group.

I’m not one to give up easily, so I kept looking for the right fit- an adult woman on a serious quest. After continuing to search, because I know I’m not Christian in that I believe that Jesus Christ was simply a man, I discover another quiz has me categorized as an Atheist.

This isn’t correct either.

I don’t see how I can be scored as both an Atheist and a Christian within 50 minutes of taking these test!

I’m looking for a valid and thoughtful quiz that will teach me about various religions and ask probing questions. I feel like I share beliefs with some religion somewhere, but my Southern Baptist upbringing never exposed me to it. This week I have been on a mission to find a definition- to at least increase my understanding and view of what God may be. I feel like this is an important thing to have an opinion about, yet I spend very little time thinking about this topic.

I don’t believe in the power of prayer, but I do believe in the power of God. I don’t believe that Jesus came as the martyr to save our souls. I don’t believe that an ark carried 2 of every animal through a flood. I do believe Jesus was born and crucified and that a massive flood did occur on Earth. I think that Science and History are ways to discover God and I don’t think the evidence is there yet to enable us to view the story. I don’t know if there’s a heaven or a hell and I don’t know if we come back in other lives. I don’t know if demons and angels are real, or manifestations of imagination. I have a lot of questions and really weak opinions. I’d like to care. I want to know.

And I love that we have the free will to ask.

So… a little help here? Anyone know where I can go to learn more? No propaganda, no church websites, no invitations to wear a long dress and be one of 16 wives to some Texan asshole. I’m just looking for some answers while it seems to matter.

•   Comments(8)    Posted by liz on 06/04 at 05:44 PM
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