{headstart} Killer Rants {cssblog}

Hello, My name is Killer, and I am a sack of shit

Okay, i have been a little bit of a slacker on the blogging frontier.  It’s pretty safe to assume by this point if you don’t have us attached to some sort of reader service, you will never know we are posting again.  We deserve that.  I know I quit checking around here a long time ago.

A quick hello to all, and a special shout out to those that would occasionally check in, sorry I never responded.  I honestly have been a bit too busy for my own good.

A special hello and massive levels of apology to two people in particular who took even greater means to stay connected, Jester and Hellohahanarf.  Both contacted me numerous times outside blogging channels and I did not do a very good job returning that courtesy.  I’m a sack of shit, and I know it.

So, as recommended by Jester a good while back: 

Killer Rants Presents:  WHERE ARE THEY NOW?

In September of 2008, probably about a month after I could no longer find the time to touch my computer, much less blog from it, I opened an Ice Cream franchise.  This seems like a simple venture, which would not take too much time, especially since I had a full time business partner, but Oh my God!  If you have never opened a small business, they are pretty time consuming.  Add to the fact we both still had full time jobs, it was pretty much 24/7 on the go.  There were many, many nights we would both be up there until 3am making ice cream, only to turn around and come back in around 9am to start back again. 
We learned a few valuable lessons along the way, the most important, Always ask forgiveness, never ask permission.  When you ask to do something ahead of time it becomes a huge red-tape-filled cluster fuck, that will inevitably wind up working against you.  Where as, if you just do what you want, the same red-tape-filled cluster fuck is used to try and rectify your mis-deeds, and then it usually ends up in your favor. 
I also learned the importance of firing teenagers.  If your work force is completely made up of minimum wage kids, you can replace them by walking outside and throwing a rock into a crowd.  The first month, there were several days I would HATE going into the shop because there were one or two kids that I absolutely hated being around.  It reminded me of bad nurses I had worked with that I would not understand how they kept their jobs.  Then one night I woke up in the middle of the night and had a sudden revelation.  “I am what is keeping this little shit bag their job!” That morning I walked in and fired my first employee.  That week we went on a rampage of employment termination.  It scared the remaining employees into shape and allowed some kids to really step up and be leaders.  I also realized that if someone seems strange in the interview, they will be strange ALL THE TIME. 
After being opened for four months, which seemed like an eternity, we were doing pretty good.  We were the number one store in our region (which consisted of 20 stores) and usually in the top 15 in the country (180 stores).  So, with absolutely no time to relax and no chance to go travel, which is all I really ever want to do, we did want any sane couple of business men would do in an economic recession.  We decided to start ANOTHER business venture. 
That is what has brought me back out to California.  I am here to make some quick, large sums of cash, in order to offer up my share of liquid capital for the next great idea.  It is not like it is a new thing, for me to work everyday.  I did it for six months before opening the previous shop, so I can handle three more months of it.  I was working everyday since August anyhow, but now I don’t get to fire the people that piss me off.  I miss the power.

I probably would not have found the time to post even this if not for Liz’s gall of posting pictures of kittens all over her half of the blog.  I honestly feel if I don’t keep an eye on here she will eventually turn into a crazy cat lady.  I have not seen her in person for almost two months now, and I bet those kitten pictures are of kittens she has at her house.  The last time I as there I only saw two full size cats, and that is all it takes to make more cats.  She claims there are both boys, but I didn’t think to check for myself.  I also didn’t check her bedroom, actually I don’t go in there because I know it is probably filled with strange sex toys, or thousands of pictures of me pinned to the walls with eerily lit candles, maybe both. 
I’m watching you Liz, and your cats.

Is it Too Much To Ask For My Spammers To Get To Know Me Better?

Who the hell is buying “replica watches” from adds stuck into blog comments?  I really want to know.  Someone must be doing it, because I continuously get about fifty comments a day caught in my spam filter from people commenting about “replica watches” and more specifically where you can buy them.  For the record, if I wouldn’t wear a REAL Rolex, why the hell would I buy a fake one? 

There is also a large number of people offering stock tips through my blog comments.  I’m not exactly Warren Buffet.  It would probably better benefit them to pick someone who actually knew how to buy a stock.  If I was to buy even a single share in a company, let’s say in McDonald’s, I would be a total jack ass about it.  I would laminate my stock, I guess they give you some sheet of paper proclaiming your owner ship, take it to the nearest McDonald’s and demand my Apple Pie be made fresh...immediately...and smile damn it!  Don’t you see I own your ass. Then I will probably laugh like some mad man while waving my laminated single share.  If I bought a couple of thousand shares...man, I would probably just move in and sleep in that giant, e-coli infested, pit of balls in the playland.

At least the plethora of Viagra, Cialis, and penis enlargement medications seem to be a valuable product and make me think the spammers are targeting me properly.  All I am asking for is a little thought in my spamming.  Don’t just throw a bunch of shit against the wall to see what sticks.  However, if I was interested in purchasing some penile enhancing or virility inducing medications, I would not be ashamed and try to get it online.  I would proudly walk into my doctor’s office and loudly proclaim, “Doc, I’m getting some action...a lot of action...so much action that I can’t get enough erectile satisfaction to keep up with it.  You had better give me some sort of magic pill to better enable me to pound out all this sweet va-jay-jay that is being tossed at me like cheap beads at Mardi Gras.” I would then take said prescription to the biggest, busiest pharmacy around, grab a 36 pack of condoms (in assorted colors), the biggest bottle of tingling lubrication available and carry it all up to the counter to fill my prescription by puffing out my chest and saying, “Guess what I’ll be doing tonight....TWICE!”

Hiatus

Okay, my posting has become more and more slack.  I am in the process of opening a new business and it is kicking my ass.  For any one who is contemplating this move...the beginning stage is very frustrating and it sucks the life out of you. 

Killer Rants w/Liz is down, but not out.

I hope to be back in the blogging mood soon, and might still post sporadically for the time being.

Plus, there is always Liz.  She is known for taking long stretches off inexplicably, so keep she might be posting regularly and it just seems to be a big break.

Please keep us in your feed reader, and if you don’t use a feed reader...how the hell do you keep up with the blogs you read?  Do you just click on them randomly everyday?  That seems very inefficient.  You should work on that.

Right now many of you have seen that I posted and came here from your feed reader to see what I deemed worthy to crawl out of my hole to blog about, only to find out I am telling you I am not going to post.  I don’t blame you for being pissed off about that.

The Perfect Date

image

I LOVE this concept.  The world is finally catching up with my ideals.  This is exactly how I like my dates, and I would be willing to pay by the pound...usually.

Family Fun With Frogs

It is sad when the funniest thing I have seen in a long time is a Family Guy skit.  Plus it involves a dead frog.  I don’t really understand what it is about this that I find so funny, but it makes me laugh out loud.

I usually even think they carry a scene on too long, but this one is just hilarious.  Sorry to all you frog lovers.

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Recent Comments

  • Toronto Condo Staging said

    Wash your hands and your salad before tossing as this way everything will be hygienically pure.

  • gizli kamera said

    Thanks for helpful information you catch up us with your instructional explanation.

  • Lisa Cuddy said

    Hey guys, long time lurker here so thought I would finally post. I’m a little shy because I’m a girl and it seems there are mostly guys here but I wanted to know why it seems you guys don’t have lives. Are the guys with very high post counts really better posters than the ones with less?

  • Anuya said

    A hospital is supposed to help all no matter what to get the business. IF they cant help you why are they even working there? Come on someone tell me that. I am sick of seeing my bf and others suffer. Sometimes the hospital wont even give him pain medichine because he has been there so many times.  jordan II kicks

  • Steven said

    It’s been over a year since your blog died.

    I blame myself for pointing you at Facebook. How’s your fake farm doing, anyway?

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