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Blog Slackin’

Man, is it Thursday already?  It seems like almost a week ago since I last posted...oh wait, it has been almost a week.

This previous weekend we went to a local crawfish dive bar to celebrate the FINAL graduation of Liz.  She is officially a Master.  I’m not sure what she mastered, but I assure you it was not poker.  After the crawfish festivities we all adjourned to her house to continue imbibing large quantities of beer, away from the prying eyes of Johnny Law.  That led to some games, which led to poker, which led to the typical post-poker fun of me counting Liz’s money. 

This is a welcome return to the norm after the financial raping I took, a few weeks ago, at the hands of a group of Firemen.  Man, if you take out the word financial, that looks like a really awful experience.

Once AGAIN Liz made repeated complaints about the flatulence being loosed in her abode.  I made a few simple statements concerning her fault in this matter:
1.  95% of her friends are guys, and guys do that.
2.  She was the one who chose the spicy crawfish to be the food of choice for this day, and followed it up with chips and cheese dip at her house.
3.  She was the one who chose to begin the drinking at noon.
All these things add up to a reasonable expectation of flatulence.  She can keep her head in the sand about such matters, but it is plain as day...she is to blame for the odor, not me or Clib.

Everyone please help me in congratulating Liz on accomplishing the completion of this Masters Degree.  It only took her like ten years to complete it.  I don’t even know if she remembers what the degree is in.  Considering she works the night shift at a local Adult Bookstore, I don’t see it helping her get a raise.  Nobody wants some smart broad reading Nietzsche while ringing up their snuff porn and anal beads.  Social cynicism always ruins the mood.

On a side note, I will be going away on an extended business trip for several weeks, effectively handing the day to day operations of Killer Rants over to Liz, so don’t expect too much activity, and if you do see a post from her, make sure you check it for grammatical and spelling errors.  We should all hold her to a higher standard now.

I’m Clib’s Raging Revenge

Continuing with the week of Photo Shop Fun, I am going to share with you all the retaliatory pics I was inundated with only moments after posting that pic of Clib.  He was apparently the first to see it on my blog, and hence did not sleep all night for working on his revenge.  You shall see just how much better at this he is than I.

He sent me about six photos in all, most just slightly tweaked versions of the previous.  He is an artist after all, so it is hard for him not to seek perfection. 

This first picture is his favorite.  I think it makes good likeness of my physique.

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I don’t like the fact that I have a cigarette in my hand.  I can live with the leather strap outfit, but I am against smoking.  I think it decays society.

This one is a little more artistically flavored.  It shows a little more class than the previous one, but it doesn’t really portray my junk in a good light.  I didn’t say it was not correct...just poorly presented.

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Clib actually did a lot of work to this to add a special feature that I frequently talk about.  See if you can spot it.

Whip it!  Whip it good!

By now you are probably tired of all these photoshop shenanigans...but they are so entertaining to me and Liz. 

It should be known that I am officially opening myself up for all kinds of disgusting, perverted pics of me to appear in my email account, on bright sheets of paper stuck under windshield wipers and possibly on a bill board or two around town. 

It is not that Clib is vindictive or evil spirited, he is just very driven and when he gets focused on retaliation it can be a long cold battle.  Not to mention, my meager photoshop skills have all been born from him, and he is much better at it than I am. 

All that is fully known and understood, but still I am posting this pic.  My second attempt to doctor a picture in photoshop, but I have to admit...the only doctoring I had to do for this pic is to add the bull whip.  The rest is straight up Clib.  100%

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We Need More Product Development

I recently decided to start selling Killer Rants products so our loyal fan base could make me, I mean US, a bit of cash.  The idea was maybe some plush Killer dolls, possibly one that giggled when you pulled his balls, or maybe one that farted if you put it too close to the plush Liz doll. 

BFF, Clib, our house artist and intellectual was put in charge of designing products.  I think he might have misunderstood the instructions, or maybe he is trying to say something about my readers. 

This is the first product he came up with.

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I would like to think that he was aiming at my hot and heavy female readership, but he has left off some important features for that crowd. 

I am going to seriously rethink using him as my R and D guy.

You Should All Be Very Afraid

But especially Liz.

I am getting tips and lessons from Clib about Photoshop and Illustrator.  Pretty soon I will topple any politician who angers me with a photo depicting a surreptitiously placed hand in the pants of a small boy. 

For now I will be forced to use Liz as my practice mark.

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I debated saying that this was not a doctored photo and this is just what Liz really looks like, but I think some people might believe and then it would not be funny, it would just be sad.

Clib thinks she looks like she should be in Color Me Badd, so I am including a shot of them for you to decide.

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I think she looks more like Lorenzo Lamas from Renegade.  You tell me what you think.

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As an Update, after posting this, Clib decided to show how good the Photoshop could be.  He went a little further and made even more adjustments to the Liz pic.

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Recent Comments

  • mmo said

    HOW TO MAKE YOUR E-PENIS BIGGER INSIDE! smile ah a killer rant inside a killer rant website! well done sir

  • heather said

    in the odd chance that aliens haven’t kidnapped you and killer, i wanted to stop by and wish you all a good holiday season. if you can not only make it out to the other side still breathing and manage to have a little bit of fun in the process then you’ve done well. smile

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    i’m up entirely too early and damned if there isn’t the cricut infomercial on.  of course i thought of you.  and wondered if you are using that damn awesome thing!

    miss you and killer.  hope all is well with you both.

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