{headstart} Killer Rants {cssblog}

Is it Too Much To Ask For My Spammers To Get To Know Me Better?

Who the hell is buying “replica watches” from adds stuck into blog comments?  I really want to know.  Someone must be doing it, because I continuously get about fifty comments a day caught in my spam filter from people commenting about “replica watches” and more specifically where you can buy them.  For the record, if I wouldn’t wear a REAL Rolex, why the hell would I buy a fake one? 

There is also a large number of people offering stock tips through my blog comments.  I’m not exactly Warren Buffet.  It would probably better benefit them to pick someone who actually knew how to buy a stock.  If I was to buy even a single share in a company, let’s say in McDonald’s, I would be a total jack ass about it.  I would laminate my stock, I guess they give you some sheet of paper proclaiming your owner ship, take it to the nearest McDonald’s and demand my Apple Pie be made fresh...immediately...and smile damn it!  Don’t you see I own your ass. Then I will probably laugh like some mad man while waving my laminated single share.  If I bought a couple of thousand shares...man, I would probably just move in and sleep in that giant, e-coli infested, pit of balls in the playland.

At least the plethora of Viagra, Cialis, and penis enlargement medications seem to be a valuable product and make me think the spammers are targeting me properly.  All I am asking for is a little thought in my spamming.  Don’t just throw a bunch of shit against the wall to see what sticks.  However, if I was interested in purchasing some penile enhancing or virility inducing medications, I would not be ashamed and try to get it online.  I would proudly walk into my doctor’s office and loudly proclaim, “Doc, I’m getting some action...a lot of action...so much action that I can’t get enough erectile satisfaction to keep up with it.  You had better give me some sort of magic pill to better enable me to pound out all this sweet va-jay-jay that is being tossed at me like cheap beads at Mardi Gras.” I would then take said prescription to the biggest, busiest pharmacy around, grab a 36 pack of condoms (in assorted colors), the biggest bottle of tingling lubrication available and carry it all up to the counter to fill my prescription by puffing out my chest and saying, “Guess what I’ll be doing tonight....TWICE!”

Hiatus

Okay, my posting has become more and more slack.  I am in the process of opening a new business and it is kicking my ass.  For any one who is contemplating this move...the beginning stage is very frustrating and it sucks the life out of you. 

Killer Rants w/Liz is down, but not out.

I hope to be back in the blogging mood soon, and might still post sporadically for the time being.

Plus, there is always Liz.  She is known for taking long stretches off inexplicably, so keep she might be posting regularly and it just seems to be a big break.

Please keep us in your feed reader, and if you don’t use a feed reader...how the hell do you keep up with the blogs you read?  Do you just click on them randomly everyday?  That seems very inefficient.  You should work on that.

Right now many of you have seen that I posted and came here from your feed reader to see what I deemed worthy to crawl out of my hole to blog about, only to find out I am telling you I am not going to post.  I don’t blame you for being pissed off about that.

The Perfect Date

image

I LOVE this concept.  The world is finally catching up with my ideals.  This is exactly how I like my dates, and I would be willing to pay by the pound...usually.

Family Fun With Frogs

It is sad when the funniest thing I have seen in a long time is a Family Guy skit.  Plus it involves a dead frog.  I don’t really understand what it is about this that I find so funny, but it makes me laugh out loud.

I usually even think they carry a scene on too long, but this one is just hilarious.  Sorry to all you frog lovers.

I’ve Lost That Blogging Feeling

I’ve been pretty lax in my blog work as of late.  Hell, I have pretty much been phoning it in for the last few months.  In case you haven’t noticed, Liz has been out blogging me, and that is pretty hard for her to do.  At least one of her 25 cats is usually sleeping on top of her computer key board, and she hates to disrupt their peaceful slumber.

I’ve noticed that this is not a problem that is restricted to me.  Several of my old faithful blog compatriots have been slacking off and going at it half heartedly.  I have even noticed a lack of effort in my spam comments.  I used to get hundreds a week full of valid attempts to fool my spam blocking programs.  Misspelled words, exclamation points, and my all time favorite, “Wow this is an awesome blog!  Speaking of awesome, wouldn’t a larger penis be awesome?  Check out this amazing website.”

Now they don’t seem to really care about my penis size anymore.  I only get about 50 a week and they are worded, “small penis?  read this.” Even a mediocre spam blocker, or even Windows Vista, could tell that is bad and block it. 

I have no idea what can be done to boost my blogginess.  I have been really busy working for money and working for the prospect of money.  Unfortunately, the prospective money is much more time consuming, and much less rewarding.  I am thinking of taking all my financial worth and going to Vegas, finding the nearest craps table and putting it all on one roll of snake eyes.  That would at least be more efficient and have immediate results.  It’s the waiting the kills me.

I hesitate to put myself in a slump, but rather view it as an incline that is causing a temporary slow down.  The beer isn’t as tasty right now, the Gold Bond hasn’t been as tingly on my testicles, and I have been too busy to go to Liz’s house and fart on her newly upholstered chairs.  Those are my usual spirit lifting, “glad to be alive” moments, and they are not working.  What is a simple man to do when the simple things are no longer simple?

Don’t cry for me Argentina. 

I’ll be back soon enough, and when I do...I’m doubling up on the nut powder, grabbing a six pack of beer, two burritos and heading over to Liz’s house.  Because if you can’t share your happiness with the ones you love, what is the point in being happy?

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Recent Comments

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  • hello haha narf said

    OH MY FUCK, THAT WAS AWESOME!!!

  • churlita said

    I cant listen to videos at work either. I love Jon Stewart, so just seeing him was enough to make me wet my pants.

  • hello haha narf said

    i am going to try VERY hard to not make a comment about you and my moist panties.
    ahem.

    the video will have to wait until i get home.  i’ll be back…

  • heather said

    that’s one way to keep the peace, send hello to party with them. smile
    so, should i wait till the election is over or quit the retail job now? lol

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