Who’s the Bad Neighbor, Now?

I had a tantrum this week. A full-fledged, 4-year old blow out. During this tantrum, I used the word ‘fuck’ a couple of times, ‘asshole’, and ‘shit’. My 84-year old neighbor heard it all. I feel bad about talking such trash in front of the neighborhood Christians who were standing around. You might not know this about me, but I’ve very loud. And when I’m angry I can get super sonic loud. Combine that with my fearless use of profanity and, well, you can imagine how ugly this got.

The story is sort of funny. I know you’re on the edge of your seat wondering how a sweet, angelic woman like me could go ballistic in the neighborhood. The neighborhood that is one tiny street of well-maintained lawns and retirees. It all stems from my neighbor and his use of my property as his personal dumping ground.

My neighbor to the left is around 43. He and his boyfriend have been in the neighborhood 12 years. He is very active in the neighborhood and loathed by our neighborhood association president. They have had multiple fights concerning things like his use of the ‘public’ water hose and the height of his bushes. I stay out of that shit. I could give a rat’s ass. But this neighbor has violated MY personal space multiple times. As I think I’ve told you before, he has plugged into my exterior outlets and used my electricity as well as used my water (which he left on). This pisses me off and I have told him once to use his own stuff. Now he uses my stuff when I’m at work. This is very aggravating.

A few months ago he stored some ladders behind my house. I knew they were there, but didn’t confront him. After about a week and a half they were gone. I’m pretty sure he heard me on the phone telling my BFF that I was going to haul them to the street on trash day and this prompted their removal. The reason he uses my stuff, including my yard, is that his back yard is so overgrown and filled with trash and his garage is overflowing with trash as well. There is no room for his own stuff. I think he has a sever hoarding problem. But this is HIS problem, not mine- well, until now.

Last week I came home from a rather trying day at work to find his gutter laying behind my house. I snapped. He’s had workers in my driveway for a week- which is a necessity- and I’ve had to pick up their nails out of my driveway so I don’t end up with a flat. Already I’m on edge with this dude. So when I see that gutter laying there, all 14 feet of it, I got out of my car, grabbed it, and drug into his driveway where I threw it, walked away, came back and kicked it, and then began walking inside. My 84 year old neighbor was outside talking to another neighbor. He began to applaude. I said, “I’m so fucking tired of this asshole putting his fucking shit in my goddamn yard. What a fucking dickhead!” Then I walked BACK to the gutter and pulled it further in his driveway and kicked it AGAIN.

I was pissed.

Now it cracks me up to think of the spectacle. I mean MY GOD… what a scene!

This neighbor has recently been elected to our home owners association board. The Monday after the election, ‘someone’ (not me) called this local police and requested the home owners code enforcement department. We have one of those in my town. Can you believe that? Any way, the ‘cops’ came out and he was told to replace his roof and clean out his back yard. The roof is getting done, but the back yard remains a disaster. It’s a breeding ground of all sorts of varmints and insects. I called the cops last week and asked if they were the right people to address MY issue with this neighbor. They are. I asked them NOT to come out, because I want to talk with him first, but I do want to know what will happen to him if he doesn’t stop using my electricity, water, and lawn. My local PD is chomping at the bit for some action, so I kind of regret that I gave them my name and address. I don’t want increased police traffic and I don’t want any problems. My cats aren’t on leashes, my house needs painting, and I’m not always beer free when I’m pulling in the drive, you know? At the same time, if this motherfucker doesn’t keep his shit on his own property, I’m turning his ass in.

Ok. I feel like a jerk. But I also feel like I’m justified in being pissed off and, if needed, should take action. What do you think?

•   Comments(7)    Posted by liz on 05/18 at 11:31 AM
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