Once when I was out with some friends, and the girls were getting kind of quiet while the guys had gotten wrapped up in some dumb discussion about computer or football, I announced that I had gotten laid on a Monday night two weeks in a row.  And the other married women in the group smiled and nodded, while our one unmarried friend burst into laughter and said “What is so remarkable about having sex on a Monday night?” And the rest of us all told her that it wasn’t usually done, and she wanted to know when it was usually done, and we all said “Saturday morning.” And she just seemed to think that this was some joke we had rehearsed, that maybe one of us would turn up later with a video taken of the discussion, and that there couldn’t really be three happily married (at the time) women who all regularly had sex on Saturday morning but not so much at other times during the week.

When I was little there was this ritual of buying the Halloween candy.  I believe that this started in late August.  The bag of Snickers would somehow get opened, and the candy would start to disappear, and then the bag would be empty and mom would go and buy another bag which was supposedly for the trick-or-treaters.  And the bag would somehow get opened, and the candy would start to disappear, etc....  The bag had to be replaced two or three times before Halloween.

My mother totally ruined my social life after about sixth grade.  Some friend would invite me over for dinner or a sleepover or whatever.  Then the friend would invite me over again in a week or so, but my mom had this rule that I couldn’t go over to the friends house again until the friend had been over to my house first.  Somehow my friend’s parents would be terribly put out if they were always having to entertain me and then we didn’t return the favor at our house.  Only I couldn’t have the friend over until my mom decided that the house was “clean enough for company” which very rarely happened.  So I got to go over to my friend’s house like once a year or so, and maybe at some other time that was a special occasion that everyone was invited and it would look odd if I didn’t go.  Most of my friends had sleepovers and such every month, and I had like one or two a year.

By laughingattheslut on 2007 09 23

Every time after I pee, I count my balls to make sure I still have three.

By killer on 2007 09 23

I didn’t know Killer could count to three.

And I’ll bet that he counts there more often than that.

Killer, what are you supposed to do about it if there are only one or two?

By laughingattheslut on 2007 09 23

Laughing, I do that same thing with Halloween candy. As a matter of fact, I bought a Hershey’s mixed bag on Saturday and it’s already been opened.

Killer, ‘counting’ and ‘fondling’ are not the same thing.

By liz on 2007 09 23

I’m trying to think if I have any rituals. Lately, I’ve been going to watch the Steelers play at a bar on Sunday afternoons. Is that what you’re talking about? We always try to get as crude as possible too, so we know the Steelers will win. Maybe that’s more what you mean.

By churlita on 2007 09 23

I always lovingly wash the bodies of the hookers I kill in a milk bath to give them really nice skin for their last resting place.

Aren’t habits funny like that?

By dave on 2007 09 24

when i shower i always need a fresh wash cloth.  i wash and condition my hair first.  always.  shave everything that needs to be shaved while the conditioner sits.  rinse hair.  then i lather up the wash cloth and start at the top of my hairline and wash all the way down.  face, torso, left arm, right arm, right leg, left leg, between the legs, ass, right foot, left foot.  can’t start on the legs, can’t start on the arms, can’t start on the boobs.  nope, has to be the top of the forehead and go down.  oh, and when i get to my feet the wash cloth MUST go into the laundry.  it can’t be used again.

so, is that a ritual or am i just obsessive compulsive?  yeah.  never mind.  i have issues.

oh...and on steelers sundays i have to wear my lucky steelers socks.  and one of my lambert jerseys.  have to!  seeing as how they are 3 and 0 the combination must be working.  i haven’t watched them in a bar yet and they haven’t lost yet so i need to continue watching the games at friends’ homes.

other than sports related things, i don’t think i have rituals.

By hellohahanarf on 2007 09 24

Hello,

I too have shower habits that include shaving while the conditioner goes to work. However, I CAN use a washcloth more than once. But now that you’ve pointed it out, it seems kind of nasty. I’m into those natural sponges- the round brown ones- lately. They have totally replaced my shower scrunchie. I suggest you treat yourself and add that to your ritual. Talk about exfolliated!

Dave,

You scare me sometimes.

Churlita,

Bar rituals are the BEST.

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