One Down Cat

In memorial:
Last week I had to put Sneaker to sleep. It was time, and I am surprisingly not devastated. I think I had plenty of time to prepare for this. He’d been off for a while.

While in line to pay for the blood test that proved to be his death sentence, a woman walked in with a TWO WEEK OLD kitten. I have never seen a cat so small. It was so tiny it almost wasn’t even cute. That’s the way I feel about children. When they are brand new, they are freakishly unable to contribute anything. I have a friend who’s wife recently had a baby. I went over to see the new one and held it. She was sweet and interesting looking. Her eyes stayed closed and she made weird faces in which every muscle would scrunch up simultaneously. While I was there she cried little and pooped once. She didn’t tell any jokes, she didn’t make us any snacks, she didn’t read us a story. She just laid there- making me nervous about her soft spot.

This kitten was so helpless but in it, I see great potential for him to be adorable. I of course held it the moment the woman walked in with him. He snuggled.

I think I’ll name him Niles. Or Otto. Or Jeeves. Or Peeve.

IF I decide to take him.

I know it sounds like a forgone conclusion, but it’s not. I was able to get rid of Sneaker’s litter box, which is fantastic. And kittens can be demanding. The scratch on furniture and the have these hilarious bursts of energy. I love those bursts, but not at 2 A.M. I know one day I will get a kitten, but I don’t know if I’m ready yet. My heart is ready but it’s the rest of me I’m worried about. Little man will be ready in about a week and a half. Leon seems lonely and is getting on my nerves with his constant chatter and new found insatiable passion for swirling around my ankles. What do you think? New kitten in two weeks or will I deny it this go around?

Last night I had a dream that Ashton Krutcher was staying at my house because his roommate had kicked him out. Apparently I was forcing him to have sex with me while he was staying with me. My boss (who isn’t really my boss but rather I woman I’ve never met) got on to me at work about it and I WENT OFF. She was telling me how wrong it was of me to force this young man to sleep with me against his will. I gave a long speech about being almost 40 and him being fine and how if I were Carrie Bradshaw we wouldn’t be having this argument. I had my finger in her face, yelling articulately. In the end, I won the argument but later learned that Ashton had ASKED HER to confront me.

When did my dreams turn against me like this? This was an NBC version of the events named above, aside from extreme profanity on my end. In this dream I was humiliated and angry. I thought in dreams you got to be whatever you wanted. Do I really want to be the matriarch of the sex-slave industry? Jeez.

Comments(8) Posted by liz on 04/11 at 08:31 AM
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Sorry to hear about Sneakers. Sounds like Leon is going to be a nut until you get another one, so why not take the kitten?

It was weird to wake up this morning and see your comment (I assume the commenting Liz was you) and then read about your crazy dreams because I had a dream last night that Killer Rants was moving to St. Louis. Once I heard the news, in my dream, I was all “Wait! Is Liz coming, too?” and got all excited.

Weird, no?

By Gwen on 2009 04 11
Gwen,

I am THE commenting LIZ. Thanks for your sympathy. I hope that Leon’s behavior will change SOON because it’s putting a tee-niny fracture in my worship of him. His meow is AWFUL. It’s this off pitch cry- like he’s going through puberty of something. I feel sorry for him. I think he misses his BFF.

I think a corporate trip to St. Louis would be a wonderful thing for Killer Rants to do. Let’s see if the boss will put it in his ‘09 budget!!

By Liz on 2009 04 11
I am offended that Gwen immediately wanted to know about “Liz”. I am more than enough for any corporate trip. Every time I take Liz on the road for corporate events she is always complaining about the quality of the room and insists upon eating three times a day. Pain-in-the-ass.

Sorry to hear about Sneakers.

By killer on 2009 04 11
Sorry to hear about Sneakers. He looks so much like a cat I lost.

Now about the Ashton situation…

Isn’t there something about having a friend over for company three days, but if he stays more than that he’s either family or a roommate, and he has to start doing chores and otherwise making contributions to the household. I mean, you weren’t even charging him rent. So if he’s not supposed to be having sex with you, what else is he doing to earn his keep? Did he do the laundry or make you snacks or what? And I doubt that he was being forced to do anything. If he didn’t want to have sex with you, he could just go stay at someone else’s place for three days.

By laughingattheslut on 2009 04 12
Sorry about your poor kitty. I hope you get the new kitten so I can live vicariously through you.

I love your Ashton dream. He was discovered in my town, and his cousin went to school with my girls. You’d think I’d dream about him, but I haven’t yet.

By churlita on 2009 04 13
hey, if you’ve got to be some sex slave’s dominatrix it might as well be ashton. he’s still young enough to have some stamina and someone our age would be a bit younger than what he’s used to.

but then again, she does stay in shape doesn’t she…
oh well.

sorry to hear about sneakers. it’s not an easy thing to go through.
maybe drop by a shelter and check out the older cats. between 4 and 7 maybe. how old is leon? maybe a cat who’s a year or so younger?
take your time and think it through, leon will adjust.

By heather on 2009 04 17
so terribly sorry to hear about your sneakers. did you decide about the little one? or maybe a different rescue kitty?

By hello haha narf on 2009 04 20
Hi,
I have seen people at my schoo with a crazy amount of sneakers, but what I have always wondered is where they get them. Like some have a lot of color, besides online, in NY.

By Seborrheic keratosis on 2010 08 25

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