Ommmmm…. Balance

I’m not a believer in what I’ve been introduced to as astrology. I will sometimes read my horoscope, which usually mentions a rising moon somewhere and commands that I forgive my lover for his aloof attitude of late. Sometimes my horoscope will tell me what I HAVE done, which I find pretentious. An example of this is today’s horoscope:

You have let go of an old grudge—and today, that forgiveness really pays off! Whether the other parties involved are ready to reconcile, or you’re just finally ready to move on with your life, things are sweet.

I hate when my horoscope uses an exclamation mark.

image One thing that IS true about my star sign is my obsession with balance. I am a Libra, which is represented by scales and ruled by equality. When I was a kid if my left foot was stepped on, I would ask that the person also step on my right. I have to have things symmetrical or I feel unsettled.

I think my body has taken this too far. I’ve noticed for the last several years that I can predict when a new zit is going to pop up. If I have a zit on the left side of my face, there is an 80% chance that I will get a zit on the right side of my face in that same location within the week. Isn’t that weird? And unfortunate?

I used to work with a woman that I called ‘Pig in a Blanket’ because, well, it was fitting. She had a very flat ass, almost concave. One of her ass cheeks was several inches shorter than her other one. She would wear tight spandex pants that accentuated this flaw. Kim pointed it out to me at a Christmas party, and after all I could do was stare at this woman’s ass. How do you walk around like that?! Knowing that your ass is asymmetrical yet flaunting it to the world?

It’s a bold statement about giving up on the things that matter in life. 

  • more like how did she walk around work in tight spandex in the first place.  sheesh, what is wrong with her?  i’d like to but her mirror, because she obviously thought she looked good.

    By hellohahanarf on 2007 12 29

  • BUY.  i would like to buy her mirror.
    ok, no more commenting after all that bailey’s in my coffee.
    ugggh.

    By hellohahanarf on 2007 12 29

  • She DID think she looked good. She was very overweight but would wear a bikini. She’d also lift up her shirt a lot to show you her breast reduction- which had happened like 2 years earlier. She had her belly button pierced too and liked to show that as well. She was smart, but liked to act dumb and she was very, very lazy.

    By Liz on 2007 12 30

  • She sounds like quite a catch. Who doesn’t want an overweight, belly pierced lazy chick with an asymmetrical ass?

    By churlita on 2007 12 31

Name:

Email:

URL:

Remember my personal information

Notify me of follow-up comments?

Recent Comments

  • Retractable Banner Stands said

    I think the moniker implies intent and I did not go looking for them.  In fact, I’d prefer a nice man, my age, who has a good head on his shoulders and between his legs.  And now you may know a whole lot more about me than you wanted
    Retractable Banner Stands

  • Russell Hubbard said

    kkr3r7qp47ab5qop

  • Terry Moses said

    hra76dz2prlb6n5b

  • Tracie Carlson said

    heqxg6c78ebq0du8

  • Zachary Ortega said

    xw7mus5g1cybu06b

Subscribe to Killer Rants

Enter your email address:

Delivered by FeedBurner



Add to Technorati Favorites