Mystery Rug
I love a good mystery- a puzzle, a mental exercise that requires piecing together information in strange ways. Especially easy mysteries that I can solve with minimal outside the box thinking. I mean come on- there’s The Office reruns to watch and clothes to iron. How much attention does one mystery deserve?
There is a mystery driving me crazy at my house and it’s centered around a rug.
I have a 4X6 rug in my office on carpet. This rug MOVES. I pull it into the center of the room and within days it has crawled into the corner and bunched up against a pair of table legs. Even if I stay out of the room for a couple of days, I find that the rug has inched his way over the table, where he lays snuggling and bending. How is this happening? My cats don’t weigh enough to make this phenomenon occur and I don’t have a rug troll living under the chair that I’ve been able to spot. So how the fuck is this rug sliding across carpeted floor like this? I’ve weighed it down before and that stopped the problem but I’m not too keen on having a giant box sitting in the middle of my office floor anchoring down this disobedient rug. So why is this happening and what do I do?
In other news, I sold my car, Deigo. I will miss him greatly. Sometimes when I look out of the window into the driveway, I feel sad knowing he’s gone forever. Since I’m leasing my current car I know in less than a year I’ll need new wheels. I was really close to keeping Deigo for this reason, but I upgraded to a really nice ride and think that I will have outgrown Deigo by December. He’ll get a lot of new miles put on him traveling to Louisiana with the college girl who bought him and he loves the open road, so I guess this is all for the best. But sometimes saying goodbye is so difficult!
Since I sold Deigo Thursday night, I scheduled a massage for this afternoon at 4:30. I find being rubbed on helps me forget my worries. I also think I’m going to try something that I’ve never tried before. I’m going to drink 2 stiff rum drinks prior to the session. They tell you not to do that, but they also tell you red meat and butter kills so I’m finished listening to the experts. I think a nice buzz and an hour long rub down is going to be awesome. I just hope I don’t try to hit on the masseuse. You know- two drinks, toppless and being rubbed on on a Saturday. We all know that has the potential to be dangerous.
Welcome back to Killer’s Mom. I’ve missed her comments! I was thinking about her THIS MORNING and then BAM she left a comment on Killer’s post. Back in the day it was basically just me and her reading and replying to Killer’s post. This is when he worked solo and didn’t have the star power of ‘Liz’ on his personal blog. She always left awesome and often quite funny comments. The fact that he doesn’t care if his mom reads about his balls should clue you in to her coolness factor.
I’m going to go mix that drink now. Wish me luck. Maybe I’ll ‘score’!
Ha!
Comments(18) 
Posted by liz on 01/26 at 01:25 PM-
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What are you doing to that poor rug that is making him want to escape?
By othurme on 2008 01 26
The rug is either:
a) afraid you’ll sell him like Deigo
or
b) trying to go after Deigo
By Roadchick on 2008 01 26
Othurme,
One of my cats is bulemic- maybe the rug has an issue with that.
Roadchick- Funny!!
By liz on 2008 01 26
Did you get the rug from the antique store in the Friday the 13th series?
By laughingattheslut on 2008 01 26
Finally you noticed! I trained a couple of mice to come into your house and move that damn rug over a year ago. I was hoping it would make you think the house was haunted and sell it to me at a greatly reduced price.
I’m all for getting drunk before the massage. If they won’t give you the happy ending after that, be prepared to do it yourself. They act all offended, but I feel it is part of their job.
My Mom does rock. She has been reading but not commenting.
By Killer on 2008 01 26
The mystery is still not solved. The rug came from Target or someplace like that and there is NO WAY I have mice in this house. A mouse wouldn’t last 5 minutes with my 76 cats! (really just 2).
Killer’s Mom,
I take back all of my praise for you. If you’ve been reading but not commenting, especially when Killer was whoring himself out to break the comment ceiling, you must not love him.
By liz on 2008 01 26
its the cats, they crawl under the rug and move it.....ive had the same problem
no ghosts or mice just the cats sorry to disappoint you.
as far as the massage, are you sure it will be a male massouse? or did i miss something?
By josiecatbaby on 2008 01 27
I was just being silly about the massage. It was a woman and it was one of those painful deep tissue massages that leave you feeling hurt and sore. I loved it!
By liz on 2008 01 27
I too suspect the cats. I’ve only got one cat and he managed to move the area rug in our living room around so much I finally removed it after tripping over the ripples in it for the kabillionth time.
Why would it not be OK to have a drink before a massage? The two seem to go hand in hand. The spa I used to go to would offer you a glass of Champagne to sip while you waited for treatments. Drink up!
By abroad on 2008 01 27
I have no idea why it’s not ok to be buzzed while getting a massage. My guess is that it’s either part of their code of professionalism OR that they think the ‘toxians’ released during the massage need to be flushed out with water. I pee a lot more drinking beer than water, so I don’t know if that’s legit or not.
I wasn’t exactly going for a few sips of Champagne- I really want to be near hammered. However, I didn’t achieve my goal. I was sober as could be when I went in. Maybe next time I’ll start drinking earlier. Liz and drunk massage WILL happen in 2008!!!!!
By liz on 2008 01 27
oh liz, i think i drank enough for both of us this past week.
glad you enjoyed the massage regardless.
By hellohahanarf on 2008 01 27
Hello,
I have only had one massage I didn’t like. It was given by a 115 lb male student massure. He kept leaving the area and would say things like, “Oh my GAWD!” and “Oppps!!” throughout the whole thing. I wondered if he might be battling a case of diarehha or something, so I didn’t say anything. Student massages are usually sub-par, so I’ve taken to paying full price and getting the real treatment. I don’t do it much- hell, it’s $85- but I so savor the moments when I do get a massage!
By liz on 2008 01 27
“Liz and drunk massage WILL happen in 2008!!!!!”
Now there’s some lofty and impressive goal setting. I was going to recommend some sort of contest to see which of us could accomplish it first, but then I realized there’s no way to lose.
By Gwen on 2008 01 27
Drunk massages take careful planning. An appointment is too hard to get around here, so you have to book a couple of days in advance, usually. That means planning binge drinking too.
I hate it when I sound like I have a ‘problem’, but goals ARE goals!
By liz on 2008 01 27
Liz, since when do you need to plan your binge drinking?
By othurme on 2008 01 28
Check this out.
Donkey (one of the dog’s toys that makes donkey sounds when thrown, not electronic at all) went off in the middle of the night. I freaked.
Armed with my mag light and baseball bat, I searched the house. Donkey was exactly where he was before I went to bed. By the front door, since Nack got too lazy to run the three feet to go pick it up.
Piggy was next to Donkey, and piggy didn’t go off, so it wasn’t like some kind of earthquake. Nothing feel on donkey, and he was just sitting there about four inches from piggy.
Then, two days ago, my bedroom door closed. Now, maybe I was on crack, but I NEVER close my bedroom door, because the dogs were “napping” on the bed.
WTF?
By Absurdist on 2008 01 28
Othurme,
That is some weird shit.
Point taken.
Absurdist,
It sounds like you either have a ghost or need your ‘medication’ adjusted!
By liz on 2008 01 28
Well, the dogs barked at the donkey, so I wasn’t hearing things.
And thank you very much, my medication is working just fine.
I have named the ghost Zack.
By Absurdist on 2008 01 28