Let’s go Krogering

I live in a suburb that, over the past 6 years, has doubled its population. This makes grocery shopping a very labor-intensive task. It starts in the parking lot with the quest for a decent space and ends with the long checkout lines. Until recently there was only one grocery store in my town, unless you count Wal-Mart, and although I love to grocery shop I want the store to be empty when I do it. I like casually strolling down the aisles- especially refrigerated and frozen foods- looking at all the culinary ‘could bes’. I hate that while I’m trying to peruse, a traffic jam forms behind me and buggies start bumping and tempers start to flair. Don’t these people understand that what I’m doing is important?! How can I be expected to decide between Vermont White Cheddar, Parmesan, and Colby on the spot? Culinary free spirits can’t be rushed, damn it.

So when a NEW super Kroger opened on the other end of town, I took my lunch hour and sped by. I had to see this grocery store Mecca that was all the talk in my town. It has a sushi station, an outstanding cheese section that stretches on and on and the freshest produce that can be had by a grocer. My first visit cost me $58 dollars for 3 grocery bags, but I thought I had just gotten caught up in the excitement of so many new choices. Yesterday I went again. This trip cost $72 for 4 grocery bags. I’m not liking this trend. I realize that I shouldn’t visit this new Kroger any more. I actually bought a cheese- albeit a small piece- that costs $24 a pound. What the hell am I doing buying cheese that costs more than meat or, probably, semi-precious metals? I bought some teriyaki mushrooms off the olive bar that set me back $8. I have both mushrooms and teriyaki at home already. WHY was I lured? I paid $4 for a loaf of bread. At the old Kroger, I thought paying $2.75 was outrageous. I bought some deli lunch meat- DELI LUNCH MEAT that was $9 a pound. WTF? Seriously, isn’t rib-eye steak around $8 a pound? This is fucking HAM. Granted, it’s maple-honey ham, which I know is going to be lovely, but still. $9 a pound for freaking lunch meat? The sandwiches I build are going to cost around $7 each! What kind of mind hold does this new Kroger have over me? It’s not like the bag boys are shirtless or anything.

Friday night I went out with some friends. We had dinner at a place that has a small menu but is an off shoot of a well-known Jackson restaurant that’s been in business for over 50 years. I ordered something I never cook- country fried steak. It didn’t taste right, so I asked the 16 year old waiter, very politely, if the country fried steak was cooked in the same oil that the liver they advertise is cooked in. He said, “No. That can’t be.” I said, “I’m not complaining, but this country fried steak tastes a lot like liver.” And he said, “No. The fried liver and the country fried steak are cooked differently.” - Humm. I know my southern fried foods. No they’re not, I thought. “How so?” I asked. The 16 year old waiter answered, “I think, they like, grill the country fried steaks or something.” I looked down at my battered and breaded crispy steak, smothered in gravy, and said, “Ok. Thanks.” I have to admire the confidence behind that level of stupidity.

Comments(10) Posted by liz on 02/10 at 09:36 AM
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your waiter was a special kind of stupid. bet sometimes he forgets to even eat.

i have the same issues that you have with the damn grocery stores offering all kinds of high end foods that i simply must have. oh do i feel your pain.

By hellohahanarf on 2008 02 10
Yes, Hello. And nothing I buy has ‘low cal’ or ‘low fat’ anywhere on it. So when I’m buying cheese, it’s the kind of cheese that comes with a warning label- WILL CAUSE ASS EXPANSION. Loving good food is a curse as well as a joy.

By liz on 2008 02 10
Okay, so I went to this wildlife park in Oklahoma. It was very much like one that I used to work for in Texas. I went at the invitation of someone who worked at the Oklahoma park, but who used to work with me at the Texas park before it closed.

So like two years later, I went on a trip to Minnesota, and we had to drive back home through Oklahoma, on a road that was like two miles from this wildlife park where my friend worked. And I hadn’t talked to him in a while, and I thought we’s stop and offer to spend the last of our trip money taking him to lunch. Only he doesn’t seem to work there anymore.

But I ask about him anyway. Where did the bear trainer go? And the girl is like, we’ve never had a bear trainer here. And I’m like, how long have you worked here? And she’s like, two months.

Can I please speak to a grown up who has been here at least a year?

By laughingattheslut on 2008 02 10
Obviously, country fried steak is prepared completely differently than fried liver.

Who the fuck still serves liver?

Admit it - you were at Picadilly Cafeteria, weren’t you?

By Roadchick on 2008 02 10
I HATE going to the grocery store. It’s my number 1 least favorite thing to do.

I go no earlier than 9 p.m. I hate the people at the grocery store, I hate their fucking ill-behaved children, and for some reason, they are only allowed to play Air Supply and Debbie Boone in every grocery store on earth. And trust me, I have been to grocery stores ALL over the country.

If you had come to Texas, you would have CHICKEN-fried steak. That’s what we call it here. You can only get good chicken fried steak here in Texas. They’ll give you double portions. And none of this gravy with no pepper shit. Loads of pepper in the gravy. And lots of it. With corn, mashed taters, and green beans. The problem is that you are trying to eat chicken fried steak in Mississippi. You live in the pit of hell, second only to Alabama. How can you expect them to be able to cook anything right?

And, one more block of cheese that is $24 per pound, and you, my friend, will lose your man-card.

By Absurdist on 2008 02 10
HAHAHAHAHA. I thought it was on the other side of the blog… Sorry about that… You don’t lose your man-card! LOL!!!

By Absurdist on 2008 02 10
Oh and on the pit of hell thing? I would have written that so much less mean if I had realized it was on your side of the blog, Liz. I reserve total bitch for Killer. I am really sorry about that....

By Absurdist on 2008 02 11
Dear Absurdist,
Please go to the other side of the blog to the Super Tuesday post and be a total bitch to Killer. He said that I wasn’t really a Texan.

And unfortunately, people do still serve liver. I can’t stand being around the stuff, much less eating it. I think that the stuff should only be used as fish bait.

Maybe the kid had it backwards. Maybe the liver they have is more like the stir-fried liver and onion stuff, and they make that on the grill. But just regular fried liver and country fried steak look almost exactly alike, except maybe the liver is sliced smaller or something.

By laughingattheslut on 2008 02 11
Isn’t having liver as fish bait being cruel to the fish? Won’t that get you instant demonstration by PETA. A few yeras ago I was nearly toppled by some obnoxious 7yr old while I was walking in a grocery store with a crutch and walking cast. It was in front of his monttehr and I thankfully fell into the side of a stand up cooler and didn’t hit the floor. Not even a fucking apology from the mother. I like the 24 hr grocery stores. Shoppint at 1 am is a much more pleasant experience but you are screwed if you want a special cut of meat or fish.

By Paul on 2008 02 11
I prefer to just come to your house, eat the expensive meats and cheeses, break out your secret stash of high end beer and let my flatus fly where it may.

So, can I come over this weekend?

By killer on 2008 02 12

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