How I Reward Myself

Thanks for all of your congratulatory comments concerning the acquisition of my Master’s Degree. It was a seven-year test of endurance and finally, I have come through this Hell. This is what I’ve been doing with my free time. Not only have I been watching ‘Fist Full of Quarters’, I have been trying to topple the Donkey Kong world record. Just to meet those guys.

So far, I’ve made it to level 2.

I enjoyed a weekend in Oxford at my BFF’s house. While I was away I asked my 84 year old neighbor to open the door twice a day to let the cats out. I didn’t expect him to come into the house, so unmentionables were everywhere. Not only did I get a play-by-play of every move my cats made, I also found out that one of the slats under my bed was not properly placed. WTF? He also, I guess, walked through the house a couple of times as he mentioned not being able to find the litter box (which he didn’t need to find) and recommended that I keep my closet door closed to help cut down on cooling cost.

If you do not have an 84-year old neighbor, I recommend you get one. They will watch your house like a hawk, tell you if your neighbor is stealing your outdoor electricity, and bring your garbage can in for you. The down side is that they keep up with every move you make and want an agenda of what you did that day and what you will do tomorrow. He actually asked me last week if I was sick because my car was still in the carport at 8 AM. I said, “No, I wasn’t sick” and he said, “Well, I think it was that day that you also came back to your house around lunch.” I should have told him what I was thinking, which was, “I just had a twat inspection,” but I opted to keep it friendly.

Any old coots in your neighborhood?

  • In case you didn’t notice, there’s a link in that first paragraph that you really need to check out.

    By liz on 2008 05 05

  • i used to have an ancient neighbor.  LOVED her.  she was always home to watch everything and i made up shit to explain why i staggered home and peed beside my house.  i don’t even think she saw me pee in the bushes, but i wanted her to know anyhow.  i have issues that are far worse than hers.

    twat inspection, eh?  i could have lived a long happy life without thinking about yours.  thanks. 

    congrats on level 2.  at least you have bested me!  is bested even a real word?

    i am rambling.  i blame lack of sleep from the tequilacon weekend.  my eyes really aren’t even blinking today...just staring and begging for a good night’s sleep.

    By hello haha narf on 2008 05 05

  • Let me sum up,

    Fistful of Quarters
    + Twat Inspection
    + Old Coots

    = the worst Google search ever

    By clib on 2008 05 06

  • Good to see you doing some work around here.

    What the hell was he doing under your bed?

    By Killer on 2008 05 06

  • I think every neighborhood has one.  Mine tells me scary things like, “I saw two guys up on your front porch today looking in the windows.  Make sure you keep those locked!”

    I hope you passed inspection!

    By Gwen on 2008 05 06

  • I’d rather have an 84 year old neighbor to snoop on me. Instead, my parents offer to come over and take care of the cat. And look under my bed. And inform me that the state of my closet is less than ideal. I don’t even WANT to know what else they’ve snooped into.

    Ugh.

    By Roadchick on 2008 05 06

  • I think I’ve already told you how much I love that movie. Sure, a lot of it is because they shot the Life magazine photo in my town and I graduated from high school with all those cheerleaders. I also got obsessed with playing Centipede at Twin Galaxies. I thought it was hilarious on its own merits too, though.

    By churlita on 2008 05 06

  • I used to like the old coots who hung out all day on the stoop of the apartment building I lived in when I was single.  They were a bit invasive, but I knew they were keeping an eye on me and told me when one of our other neighbors stole my mail (and applied for a credit card in my name).  I knew that if I ever disappeared I could count on the coots to give an accurate statement of my whereabouts to the cops. 

    I would never have given them a key or allowed them into my home though.

    By abroad on 2008 05 06

  • Oh, I nearly forgot, congrats on all that book learnin’.

    By abroad on 2008 05 06

  • Thanks for all the comments. A few I’d like to address:

    Clib,

    Hilarious.

    Churlita,

    OH MY GOD. You must provide details. I’m going to your blog to see if you’ve addressed this. After I play a couple of games of super mario bros.

    Abroad,

    Ouch- How did the old coots know your neighbor had stolen your mail? They saw him or her at your mailbox in your apartment complex prying it open? WEIRD and a sad event. Did the crook get away with the credit card scam?

    By liz on 2008 05 07

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  • hello haha narf said

    OH MY FUCK, THAT WAS AWESOME!!!

  • churlita said

    I cant listen to videos at work either. I love Jon Stewart, so just seeing him was enough to make me wet my pants.

  • hello haha narf said

    i am going to try VERY hard to not make a comment about you and my moist panties.
    ahem.

    the video will have to wait until i get home.  i’ll be back…

  • heather said

    that’s one way to keep the peace, send hello to party with them. smile
    so, should i wait till the election is over or quit the retail job now? lol

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