Caulk it Up To Inexperience
Being a single woman who does not have an interest in power tools, I try to avoid home improvement projects done by Liz. I’ve painted rooms before, I’ve fixed leaky sinks, and I’ve stopped toilets from running. But usually when a project is larger than a quick jiggle of the handle can mend, I call for backup.
I thought caulking would be a really easy project. I was wrong. Apparently you are supposed to actually remove all of the old caulk before you begin your project. I thought this was more of a “suggestion”, like redlights at 2 AM. What I found is that the old caulking was done by a person with equal limitations in her caulking skills. Now not only does my job look like shit, but it’s on top of caulk of a slightly different color that looks like shit too.
Caulking is messy. I ruined my nails doing this. I have caulk in my hair and will occasionally discover there is a tiny bit of caulk in my mouth. The bathroom is a disaster. Is this because of some genetic disposition to not having caulking DNA or is this simply a dysfunction brought upon by not following directions and lacking patience with something referred to as “proper beading”?
I’m compiling a Honey Do list, even though there currently is no Honey to Do. It’s sort of my “prerequisites”. This is what I have so far:
1. Mowing and yard maintenance skills
2. Interest in sports
3. Advocate of “girls night out”, even when it involves other guys
4. Ability to overlook hoarding problem
5. Trash days committed to memory
6. On point with loading and unloading dishwasher as needed
7. Values a clean car… well, let me rephrase… cleans my car
8. Caulks
In return I’m willing to make sure the house is well decorated and that I empty my ashtray when it gets full. I’ll also keep beer in the fridge at all times and occasionally cook. And sleep naked. I’ll have a pen and paper handy when ever he needs to make out his Home Depot list. And I’ll let him sleep on the couch any time he wants.
That’s not too much to expect, is it?
Comments(10) 
Posted by liz on 09/11 at 05:38 PM-
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What you need is a man-slave. You should name him Toby.
By Killer on 2007 09 12
i was with you there for a while. except i have no problem paying some hard working man to do the yard work stuff, therefore i could technically remove #1 from my list. and taking garbage out is incredibly easy so i can remove #5 from my list. if he is willing to cook i am so willing to do dishes so there goes #6. (who am i kidding, if he pays for the chinese delivery or the pizza i’ll still do the dishes) i don’t smoke & my decorating skills sometimes are questioned. other than that, i so could have written this post!
By hellohahanarf on 2007 09 12
Dang I had my pen out ready to fire off an application right up to the sleeping on the couch line. That would have to be worked out...Oh and Oregon aint all its cracked up to be. I mean the scenery is great..but the METH problem here is worse than the crack problem in Memphis. And the prices are higher than home too. Not to mention the high number of folks living for the “gub’ment” check. Granted..life is different out of Mississippi. Just do your research and send some time where you think you might want to live. Jim
By Jim on 2007 09 12
One thing I can do, is yard work and mowing. Although, I could trade that for having him walk around the house shirtless and wearing a tool belt.
By churlita on 2007 09 12
It’s not too much to expect. I have that in Fishdog. I’ll loan him out to you if you’d like...Of course, Fishdog only sleeps on the couch when he accidentally drinks all the beer in the fridge and falls asleep while watching TV because he’s soooo exhausted from all his honey-dos. Not because he’s drunk and passed out because he hates his life. I swear.
By Mel-O-Drama on 2007 09 12
There’s nothing hotter than a woman talking about caulk in her mouth until you find out it’s her own caulk. Especially when you start talking genetics and DNA right afterward.
Then I was going to start talking about my own caulk, but then I thought, how disturbing it is that since she doubled up on caulk, her caulk is bigger than mine.
And then we could go on about the texture of my caulk vs. her caulk. But we won’t go there since there may be younger readers.
By dave on 2007 09 12
Damn. It’s Wednesday. Neither of us remembered to take out the trash.
Damn.
By laughingattheslut on 2007 09 12
It’s great how different people want different things out of their mates. Apparently, my list is pretty hard to fill. So if I have to compromise, I’m with Hello. I’ll take out the trash.
As long as he bags it.
Why does that sound dirty?
By liz on 2007 09 12
No glove no love.
Close to bagging it.
By Killer on 2007 09 12
You better believe I caulk!
By othurme on 2007 09 15