Carry On

I think that Killer is legitimately pissed at me because I haven’t been posting. I received several written warnings and one verbal reminder. Each day I open my email, expecting a pink slip to be waiting. It appears that while I was away, Killerrants became a message board for things related to gay sex. What the hell happened? 60 comments? SIXTY? I’ll bet Killer juiced his britches when he saw that. Thanks, team, for keeping him occupied while I was gone.

I started school again on Tuesday night. I arrived a little early and sat as close to the door as I could. The teacher came in and introduced me to the other early birds and then left the room. This chick looked at me and says, “Dr. Wasson said you’d be good in my study group. I believe in meeting the full length required and I have all of my work done before the session.” I replied, “I see.” I then opened my just purchased textbook and started trying to cram. I was already 3 chapters behind- prework. Whatever.

The girl said, “Would you like to see my notes?” “What notes?” I asked. After all, it was the first night of class. “I have notes on chapters 1-6. I also read the other assigned book and bought the same book, but the teen version. I read it too.”

I almost vomited.

“Are you telling me that you read extra chapters, completed one of the books assigned for this semester and you bought an extra book for teens, just to read for fun?”

“Yeah. I know. I’m a little anal,” she said.

“A little anal? A LITTLE anal? I would say you likely crap tractor tires out of your ass.”

Silence. I felt awkward after such a harsh statement to a complete stranger. At a private Christian college.

“But, ok. I’ll be in your study group.”

I have a Yahoo! page with a word of the day program enabled. Sometimes the words are easy like “backtrack” and sometimes they can be a little more challenging. For the past 3 weeks I’ve had the same word appear in that section. The word and definition appear below. Do you think this is an intentional joke on Yahoo’s part?

Sustain DEFINITION: (verb) to keep in existence or continue.
EXAMPLE: Because of fatigue, he was unable to sustain the effort needed to finish the marathon.

My posting may be sparse in the coming months, but I will try to get to Mel’s list of 7 things you don’t know, or don’t want to know, about me. And as interesting events occur, I will try to make the time to keep you posted.

And I’ll be satisfied with 5 comments to this post. I don’t want to steal Killer’s thunder.

  • Comment 1:

    Good to see you off your ass and doing some good for the world.  By world I mean me.

    I am going to dock 10% of your paycheck for the absences.  Luckily for you, 10% of dick is dick.

    I have never heard of the phrase, “...you crap tractor tires out of your ass” but I like the feeling I get when I say it.

    By killer on 2008 01 17

  • “I would say you likely crap tractor tires out of your ass.”

    and this is exactly why I heart you.

    By Mel-O-Drama on 2008 01 17

  • Mel beat me to it.  I love that.  But I don’t heart you. Yet. grin

    I promise not to do to you what I ended up doing to Killer.  Poor guy.

    :-(

    It was Jester’s fault.  But anyway, I really like your post!

    By Absurdist on 2008 01 17

  • Thanks for the encouragment upon my return! I only wish I would think to say things like, “Wow. That’s likely true!” rather than, “You likely crap tractor tires out of your ass,” but you know. It is what it is.

    By liz on 2008 01 17

  • I’m glad you are satisfied now… fucking slacker.

    By dave on 2008 01 17

  • Ok. I only needed 5 comments to feel welcomed home, and granted one of those comments is mine, but this is the FASTEST I’ve ever gotten so many replies to a post!

    I like to imagine that you all were lurking here, waiting for a Liz buffet, but having to settle for Killer’s Mountain Oyster appetizers.

    Of course, I know that’s not the case, but still…

    By liz on 2008 01 17

  • So let me get this straight...Killer is going to dock Liz’s dick?”

    Funny, prior to this post, in my head it always happened the other way around.  But, I’m relatively conservative when it comes to dick docking.  you go girl.

    By othurme on 2008 01 17

  • All you need to do to get more than 80 comments is mention me, apparently.

    You failed to do so.

    I HATE this chick you’re going to study with.

    By jester on 2008 01 18

  • Well, I’m pissed at you too.  I finally get around to doing the whole blogroll thing, and Killer Rants is the first blog that I add.  But then I find that you’re taking a vacation or a really long weekend or something.

    I’m sure you mentioned this before, but it’s been so long with all your time off and all, but what class are you taking?

    By laughingattheslut on 2008 01 18

  • what a freak, she has no life?  ummmm did she clean the desk before she sat down?  if she did could you get her phone number for me?  im having issues and need someone to talk too...........

    please do tell, what class are you taking?  is this part of the new liz for the new year?

    By josiecatbaby on 2008 01 18

  • Wait, Killer. People get dick for blogging? Because I certainly haven’t gotten my share of that and I’ve been blogging for over two years now.

    By churlita on 2008 01 18

  • you are a much better woman than i am, because i would have slapped that broad and never agreed to study with her insane self.

    dick for blogging, eh?  killer may have finally been the one to bring me to the dark side with an offer like that!

    By hellohahanarf on 2008 01 18

  • If being AROUND a bunch of dicks is the same as getting dick, I am a whore.

    This class is called Instructional Leadership. Just one more pile of bullshit on the road to my Masters Degree. Only this class and one more, then I am fucking FREE! You may refer to me as Master Liz, the May 08 graduate.

    By Liz on 2008 01 18

  • By the way, I wasn’t calling any of YOU a dick with that other comment! What can I say- it was a rough day down at the penal farm.

    By Liz on 2008 01 18

  • ALL HAIL MISTRESS LIZ!

    By othurme on 2008 01 18

  • We’re going to need to agree on a safe word in advance.

    By jester on 2008 01 18

  • LOL. I like to use the safe words, “Just Kidding”. It makes things REALLY interesting. And confusing.

    And then I cry....

    Just Kidding!

    By Liz on 2008 01 18

  • “10% of dick is dick” wasn’t meant to mean that Liz gets the proverbial schlong in payment.  It is a saying I use with my friends to mean 10% of nothing is nothing.

    However....with so many hot chicks being intrigued by that comment, I will have to rethink it’s meaning.

    By killer on 2008 01 18

  • ....well i had heard that most men only use 10% of their dick to think with, or was that their brain? i cant remember but then again i dont have a dick

    By josiecatbaby on 2008 01 18

  • EXCELLENT, Josiecat! Excellent!

    And Killer, thanks for trying to defend my honor by clairifying. Unneeded, but appreciated. Everyone knows I don’t put out for less than 2 Coors Lights and a shot.

    By Liz on 2008 01 18

  • Would you settle for a box of JuJuBe’s and a shot of Robitussin?

    By jester on 2008 01 18

  • sold!

    By josiecatbaby on 2008 01 18

  • ok i forget, what is the number of comments we are shooting for?

    By josiecatbaby on 2008 01 18

  • Liz was impressed when that post of killer’s hit 60 comments. It’s now up to 125 or so.

    Can we get this post up to 60 comments? I mean without inviting the idiots?

    By jester on 2008 01 18

  • Man, I was happy with 5, really! But there is something EXCITING about seeing high numbers. “They like me. They really like me!”

    I think I broke a commenting record rule when I submitted another post. Now it’s like a do-over. Oh well. It was fun while it lasted!

    By liz on 2008 01 18

  • Oh, I just had to pop in and say hi, since Killer says that I can’t stay away from the inet until tuesday morning.

    Which is about right.

    By Absurdist on 2008 01 18

  • Do all the comments count? I mean, I think this is the most action I’ve ever gotten on the blog. But the post- eh- I mean it wasn’t my best by far. OR WAS IT? Is writing about anal retentive bitches what it takes to get action around here?

    By liz on 2008 01 19

  • well i had to comment on this one.  i have been waiting for something i could relate to.

    By josiecatbaby on 2008 01 19

  • on another note who the heck is “the mans man” where did this freak hail from?  and why is he all over jester?

    By josiecatbaby on 2008 01 19

  • Liz - from what I understand this is the most action you’ve gotten ANYWHERE in a while.

    Glad I could help you out.

    Josiecatbaby - Man’s Man is all over me because I’m adorable and irresistible.

    By jester on 2008 01 19

  • i’ve heard that about you jester

    By josiecatbaby on 2008 01 19

  • liz, i just wanted to tell you about my mom....

    she is now the official “cat lady” in her neighborhood, not only does she have 6 count em 6 of my cats she has one of her own and my sons cat.  as if that wasnt enough her cat has been inviting other cats to the feeding area in the garage and they are lining up at her cat door to come in the house.  i think the word is out in myrtle beach that her house is the place to be

    By josiecatbaby on 2008 01 19

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