Behind the Third Testicle

We know men love their balls. And some men even love the balls of other men. Women can be ball lovers too. It should be a topic where we can unite, not divide.

Earlier this week, my vagina made a simple request that Killer stop exhaulting his balls as heroes, going so far as to place their likeness on Mt. Rushmore. He replied with some targeted comments about my vagina and she started demanding immediate retaliation. Although she’s used to taking things lying down, this went too far!

Here at Killer Rants it appears our president has taken not only a ‘pro nad’ stance, but an ‘anti-vagina’ stance as well. I find it ironic that Killer’s never ending quest for puntang is in complete conflict with his anti-giny propaganda. To quote Mr. Rants, ”How dare she compare her Vajayjay to the greatness that is my balls. I could write a book on the ways my balls are better, but I will only need one...THERE ARE THREE OF THEM!”

My co-bloger would have you believe that it’s possible for me to toss my twat out like a net and snare men with it; pulling them back inside the cavernous area of a never ending vagina. Killer may want you to believe that the bones of midgets rest behind the meat curtain, but I have obtained the following artist’s rendition of what truly lurks beneath the third testicle. There were photographs, but after causing an X-ray technician to go blind they were destroyed.

Please note that I have been informed that this third testicle is, in fact, not a functioning testicle at all but rather a growth of unconfirmed nature. Rumor is that Killer has been trying to elongate this testicle so that he can legitimately claim three. You’ll see stretch marks from years of stretching exercises. That’s just sad.

image

One might wonder why Killer has opted to use his balls as storage. Dear reader, don’t puzzle over this. Like an opossum or a kangaroo, our job isn’t to question why the creature has a pouch, but rather to love the pouch, and the creature, for what it is. However, if Killer ever asks you to hold his safe deposit key or invites you over to his place for sushi, I would politely decline.

My vagina says I’m being too nice about all of this. I keep reminding her that Killer pays the rent, but she’s suggesting an overthrow of the regime.
Feminism can be so exhausting.

  • Are we entirely certain that either the third testicle (or the so called underdeveloped twin being stored on the other side of the sack) isn’t really some sort of alien parasite set on world domination?  Maybe when Killer says something, it isn’t really Killer doing the talking, it could just something that an alien hive mind made him say.  Killer could just be pulling on his sack to cause a little bruising and such so that it will help hide the parasite.  This could be very bad.

    By laughingattheslut on 2008 02 23

  • “toss my twat” sounds like a carnival game!!  oh liz, i haven’t laughed that hard in a while.  thanks!

    where do you think killer got the bret michaels pubic hair?  love me some bret!  (guilty pleasure:  rock of love 2.  yep, i admitted it.)

    killer, if you need help stretching and massaging your balls, gimme a holler.  i’m here for you.

    By hellohahanarf on 2008 02 23

  • p.s.  great artwork, liz!

    By hellohahanarf on 2008 02 23

  • Ladies,

    Thank you for (indirectly) agreeing that Killer has some issues. Whether the problem is alien abduction or lack of skill stretching and massaging his balls, it’s nice to know you’re thinking as much about his testicles as I am.

    By the way, Hello, Killer has plenty of experience stretching and massaging his nads but I’m SURE he is interested in taking you up on this offer. He’s so experienced, in fact, that his right wrist is twice the size of his left. It’s unsightly.

    By liz on 2008 02 23

  • killer has experience.  i’ve got talent, but need experience.
    sounds perfect, right?

    although, liz, can you not refer to killer as “president” in your posts?  see, it makes me think of the job in the white house and makes me wanna offer to be the monica to his bill clinton.

    By hellohahanarf on 2008 02 23

  • Hello,

    Bold.

    I’ll be seeing you in Mississippi soon, I suspose.

    By liz on 2008 02 23

  • how come you don’t have a gravatar on your own blog?

    By hellohahanarf on 2008 02 23

  • *Blush* Well...I...Uh...would....like some....help with....goodness, I think I just ruined the keyboard.

    By Killer on 2008 02 23

  • Not to worry, Killer.  I think they sell a spray for that.

    By laughingattheslut on 2008 02 23

  • So you deny all twat tossing?

    By othurme on 2008 02 24

  • Some doctor was being really nice calling that a third testicle.  Looks like something that ought to be tested and treated with Amoxycillin instead.

    By Absurdist on 2008 02 24

  • Laughing,

    What’s really bad is that he wrote that comment at my house, using my computer!

    Othurme,

    I neither confirm nor deny those alligations

    Absurd,

    Agreed.

    By Liz on 2008 02 24

  • Hey, who couldn’t use more storage space? Pretty soon every man is gonna want an extra ball.

    By churlita on 2008 02 25

  • I think that I shall have to quit reading this blog. 

    I was watching one of those Jane Austen things on PBS.  And the characters are all talking about hosting a ball, and who has the best balls, and who had the best dress at the ball, and who danced best at a ball, etc.... 

    I’m afraid my mental images from the phrases had little to do with Jane Austen characters dancing.

    By laughingattheslut on 2008 02 25

  • Churlita,

    I would like some extra storage space as well. But I’m not going to that extreme or anything!

    Laughing,

    If you can’t take ball talk, you are definitely in the wrong place!

    By Liz on 2008 02 25

  • That’s a really nice drawing.

    Balls.

    By Gwen on 2008 02 25

  • I found a picture that made me think of Killer - I couldn’t find an email address for you on the blog, but if you’ll email me, I’ll send it to you. I think you’ll agree.

    wink

    By Roadchick on 2008 02 26

  • orthobrachycephalic precollect sphaeridial perceptual paedometer polycarboxylic bighead psoric
    <a href= http://cnn.com/2002/WORLD/europe/02/17/franc.euro/index.html >French au revoir to franc</a>
    http://www.holscope.com

    By Vickie Hendricks on 2008 03 26

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