7 Layer Dip

It’s always nice when someone talks about you on their blog. Well, usually. I think one time Othurme said some things that made me sound like a sluttish drunk, but in fairness, he picked it up from here.

Mel asked that Killer and I reply to the MEME “7 Things You Don’t Know About Me”. The first thing is that I’m not a sluttish drunk, but I play one on our blog. Killer will sometimes add fuel to the fire, but I confess that most of this rep is self-induced. You tell a few true stories and next thing you know you’re labeled as a high potential for a STD. I would actually prefer to be drunk and screwing some hot guy right this second, but instead I’m blogging. So I guess my dream is to be a sluttish drunk?

The second thing you don’t know is that this picture was not staged. Not that you ever thought it was, but I want to clairify that we just happened to get caught recreating a dirty sanchez and BAM! I think it’s art… but art in that “crucifix in urine” kind of way.

I’d die if my parents ever saw this picture. It’s really an awkward position to have to explain. I’m pretty sure my mom worries that I’m going to Hell anyway. This picture would only confirm her suspicions.

I just went up one panty size. I’ve worn the same size underwear for at least 5 years. Now, up it by one. God it’s depressing. I mean, I can still wear the old size, but the new size is so much more flexible and doesn’t leave marks when I take them off. Sometimes I feel like I’m in a Hanes Her Way commercial. It’s actually much better than feeling like your naughty zone has been cut off from your ciculatory system.

Another thing most of you shouldn’t know is that I love going commando on the weekends. This is especially great on Sundays when I roll out of bed and put on the jeans that I wore on Saturday. They’re nice and loose. Much like Othurme would have you believe my vagina is.

Need I remind you that it’s the weekend?

Number 5 is that I have a stapler that I use regularly enough for home stapling needs that has NEVER needed replacement staples. I don’t know how this has happened. I’ve had this same Swingline since my early days of teaching school, which has been 13 years. I won’t open it and look in to see how many staples remain for fear of breaking the streak. It’s really fucking amazing.

Few things bring me as much joy as a good, needed piss. The relief is rejuvenating. I love a good piss. I especially like when it lasts so long that it freaks me out. This only happens about twice a year, so I really savor those moments. I think guys might have a stronger propensity to enjoy a good piss than a woman, but call me the minority- I love it! Eww- in other piss news I can so notice when I’ve had a cup of coffee. My pee SMELLS LIKE COFFEE. Not urine and coffee, but like a steaming cup of joe. I think Starbucks should hire me to come piss in their store corners. It would so add to the ambiance.

So, I think that’s 7, if you count piss twice. Here’s a bonus: I will sometimes lie about my age just to see if the number I throw out is believed. It’s stupid, because I don’t care if you know how old I am, but I just like to see if can get by with 31. 

•   Comments(14)    Posted by liz on 01/18 at 07:45 PM
•   Digg   del.icio.us   Fark   StumbleUpon