Why Liz Doesn’t Get a Corporate Credit Card
Talk about craziness...“Rogue" French Trader Brings Bank to Near Bankruptcy.
For those who don’t follow Euro News, one of the major banks in France had one single guy who was doing some shady trading and cost the bank over 7 billion dollars. Thats billion, with a B.
I used to feel bad for stealing band-aids or batteries from the hospital I work at, but holy shit-balls, that can’t be remotely close to 7 billion smackers. I suddenly feel like I am due a few more free supplies.
Here at Killer Rants Incorporated and Small Engine Repair, we have been tossing around the idea of a corporate credit account, but this shit scares me. Could one of my underlings here rob me blind? Am I just asking for a serious case of white collar crime to occur here?
Don’t think I am becoming paranoid. I see how my employee (Liz, she is the only employee here) sulks around the office coveting my mahogany desk and espresso maker. Just because her office is actually one stall in the uni-sex bathroom, does not mean she is not well compensated. I put a lot of time and energy into building this new Corporate Location, and I don’t want it brought down around me by some rogue blogger.
So, to that poor French Bank that is now hurting for cash...I feel your pain, and I commiserate. I will also learn from your mistakes. No corporate credit cards and no corporate charge accounts. As a matter of fact, I think I am going to install cameras in Liz’s office so I can keep a closer eye on her.
Oh wait...I already have hidden cameras in the bathroom. I will just make sure I actually screen them for thievery before uploading them to the internet.
Comments(13) 
Posted by killer on 01/28 at 12:09 AM-
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- mmo said
HOW TO MAKE YOUR E-PENIS BIGGER INSIDE!
ah a killer rant inside a killer rant website! well done sir
- heather said
in the odd chance that aliens haven’t kidnapped you and killer, i wanted to stop by and wish you all a good holiday season. if you can not only make it out to the other side still breathing and manage to have a little bit of fun in the process then you’ve done well.
- hello haha narf said
i’m up entirely too early and damned if there isn’t the cricut infomercial on. of course i thought of you. and wondered if you are using that damn awesome thing!
miss you and killer. hope all is well with you both.
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Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
Just so you know, putting band-aids over the chips and replacing the batteries in Liz’s vibrators does not count as “small engine repair”.
By othurme on 2008 01 28
7 billion? You can buy a lot of brie and Renault’s with that.
By dmarks on 2008 01 28
Liz replaces the batteries in her vibrators herself. She told me about it in her other blog.
Of course she did not say that she actually bought the batteries herself. Is that how Liz is compensated for her work? You give her free batteries that you steal? Or do you maybe actually buy the vibrators for her once in a while? And how often does one require a new vibrator?
I know these questions are more suited to Liz’s other blog, but I think she shut it down. Possibly I asked too many personal questions.
By laughingattheslut on 2008 01 28
othurme:
You obviously haven’t seen Liz’s vibrator...it’s gas powered.
dmarks:
He was probably going to use to enslave the rest of the country, I am not sure what he would do with the remaining 6.8 Billion however.
laughing:
No Comment on purchasing Liz’s sex toys.
By Killer on 2008 01 28
Corporate account eh? Mooovin on up aincha.
By Mayren on 2008 01 28
I like using my Citi AAdvantage card, because I get miles, then reimburse. Problem is, liability is on your employee(s).
I actually signed up for lifelock or whatever the hell that thing is called.
And if a bank can’t find 7 BILLION dollars worth of loss, they are sooo not doing their due diligence. I mean, what kind of bank policy can’t even put in some kind of accounting alert system when like, five bucks goes somewhere it ought not go????
Hell, even I could install and monitor that kind of software with my eyes closed, my hands bound behind my back, a gimp mask with two holes to breathe through, and hung from the ceiling.
Of course, as long as I have my dragon naturally speaking.
By Absurdist on 2008 01 28
make your new photo go away!! make it go away!
By hellohahanarf on 2008 01 28
Don’t tell him that.
He has one that is much worse.
By laughingattheslut on 2008 01 28
I want to see the crappy pictures… it’s only fair. Most of us have put our “we would never show these pics” on the web anyway!
By Absurdist on 2008 01 28
Killer you are really a mean boss not letting Liz have a corporate card. I think she needs it so she can host all those end of the week keggers.
By Topncal on 2008 01 28
Killer,
I didn’t think I could get creeped out by a photo more than I was creeped out by your last Gravatar. This one is like looking directly into a womb. Please… for the love of God, get rid of that.
If you don’t I’ll contact Jester to make the change and charge it to my corporate account- which means that I’ll rummage through your jeep next time you’re over and take whatever my eyes find delightful.
By the way, you really need to stock your jeep with more delightful things.
By liz on 2008 01 28
I have a camera in my bathroom and I upload the recorded videos too! (but they’re actually videos of MYSELF taking care of business...is that the same thing? Am I still on topic here????.....)
By Romi on 2008 01 29
Romi - If your post isn’t on topic for the post, it is at least on topic for this entire blog. At least Killer’s half.
By othurme on 2008 01 30