Update From Liz
As everyone who is cool knows, Liz is in Chicago all week. She invited me to house sit, but I declined. It was only an attempt to have someone feed her 53 cats for free, but I was not falling for that. The last time I spent the night there I was attacked by pussy, and not in the good way.
Liz sent me an email from the road. She likes to keep me informed of what she is doing. I did not want to give her the week off from here at Killer Rants, but she is Union, so I pretty much had no choice, however I did demand frequent updates.
Here is the latest. She probably doesn’t want you guys to read it, but I feel anything emailed is fair game. (while retyping it, I might have taken some artistic license)
Hey Killer,
I hope you are doing great. I really miss your sweet smelling flatulence. I hope you take the time to go to my empty house and fart on my pillows.
Chicago is incredible. There is this beautiful white stuff all over the ground. I believe they call it ‘snow’. It’s hard on top, but very soft once you break the crust. Kind of like a creme brulee.
I am supposed to be working, but I am goofing off and visiting all the local bars and strip clubs. You know how much I love strip clubs. I really enjoy when I another woman rubs her fake boobs all over my face. I might be a lesbian, or at least bi. Don’t tell anyone about that.
I have been shopping a LOT and my suitcase is already too full. The sex stores here are chock full of stuff I have never even heard of. Edible panties, french ticklers, enormous black dildos, I might have to buy a new suitcase to get it all back. I just wish I could stuff the great guy I met at this one bar into my suitcase. He has a unibrow, but only one eye, so I think it kind of evens out.
Well, I have to go. They are doing body shots down in the Super 8 lobby bar. I don’t want anyone licking the booze off of my new man, Winky.
Hugs and Kisses
Liz
PS. You are the best blogger on the interweb. I want to be just like you when I grow up.
To be honest only one statement in there which came from Liz’s email. I just felt it needed some spicing up. She should start having Jester turn our blog off when she is out of town.
If you don’t hear from me after this weekend, Liz probably got home and beat me up.
Comments(9) 
Posted by killer on 12/13 at 12:13 AM-
Digg
del.icio.us
Fark
StumbleUpon
Recent Comments
- mmo said
HOW TO MAKE YOUR E-PENIS BIGGER INSIDE!
ah a killer rant inside a killer rant website! well done sir
- heather said
in the odd chance that aliens haven’t kidnapped you and killer, i wanted to stop by and wish you all a good holiday season. if you can not only make it out to the other side still breathing and manage to have a little bit of fun in the process then you’ve done well.
- hello haha narf said
i’m up entirely too early and damned if there isn’t the cricut infomercial on. of course i thought of you. and wondered if you are using that damn awesome thing!
miss you and killer. hope all is well with you both.
- jessica said
Great blog - at times you make it sound all exciting and I wish I could be there.I thoroughly enjoyed on reading the article.I think , it should be a great trip for you.
http://www.brushandfloss.com/
- snowina said
Christmas Gifts!Quality Replica Watches!
Visitors of our website can get a closer look at more than 8000 fabulous high quality watches, 5000 of which are precious Replica Watches imitating in every minute curve of luxurious and expensive watches by Rolex, Chopard, Cartier, IWC, Bvlgari, etc.
http://sites.google.com/site/rolexchoose/
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
Cats? I hear that chickens as pets are a big deal in Chicago now. I hope she gets time to congratulate Mayor Daley on his 63rd year in office.
By dmarks on 2007 12 13
I’m guessing the one statement that came from Liz was:
Hey Killer
By Roadchick on 2007 12 13
liz is union? hmmm. that surprises me. i mean i can appreciate her needing the smoke breaks and all, but still.
By hellohahanarf on 2007 12 13
p.s. last night i was entirely too drunk and reading blogs. someone left a comment about myspace so i tried to add you as a friend. could not for the life of my drunkass get it to work. will try again sober today. but before i get all confused again, your last name is the last name you gave me when i mailed your hat, right?
xoxo
By hellohahanarf on 2007 12 13
well thanks for the heads up cause ya know the first thing i thought of this morning was liz and her vagina.......
note to self NEVER NEVER send killer an email
hey how do i get a gravatar to show up?
By josiecatbaby on 2007 12 13
I tried the Myspace thing too, but I don’t know your email address or last name. Are you in the witness protection program or are there just a lot of porn stars that are trying to be your Myspace friend and you are too christian for them?
By churlita on 2007 12 13
dmarks:
I don’t think she is allowed around public officials.
Chick:
The statement from Liz was, “There is this beautiful white stuff all over the ground. I believe they call it ‘snow’. It’s hard on top, but very soft once you break the crust. Kind of like a creme brulee.” The rest was just understood.
Hello:
Liz is union mostly because, as the only employee, she did not have much trouble voting herself union president. She likes the power.
Josiecat:
Go to http://www.gravatar.com and set up an account, load your pic, and then when you put your email address in, it will connect your gravatar. At least when you are on a website with gravatar loaded.
Hello and Churlita:
I don’t know why my myspace is acting all wonky. I went in and turned off the requirement for email or last name. So, anyone should be able to add me. If not, my email (that it wants is ). For some reason it does not seem to believe people when they put in my last name. If you have any more trouble, email your account page and I will add from my end.
I don’t
By Killer on 2007 12 13
i’m so thankful it wasn’t that i was so drunk that i could not operate a keyboard. whew!
(i just was able to send you the friend request. you fixed it. yay, you!)
By hellohahanarf on 2007 12 13
Got your friend request, but you probably already know that already.
By churlita on 2007 12 14