The Cup of Gump

My Best friend and constant muse, Clib, has invented a new and utterly hilarious maneuver to humiliate and disgust your friends and/or loved one. He named it the Cup of Gump, in honor of his mother’s pet name for testicles when he was growing up. She referred to them as “go-gumps”. As in, “did you hurt your go-gumps when you fell down?” I have no idea why she called them this, but I love his mother dearly, so I can only assume it was with great love.

I would just explain this move, but I think it is so much funnier if you see it in person. I attempted to have Clib secretly video tape me giving Liz the Cup of Gump, but she caught on when I could not stop giggling and I had my hand in my pants. She has been especially dangerous since she took a self defense class. I think she might have broke one of my go-gumps.

So, due to Liz’s refusal to cooperate with the needs of this blog, I have illustrated it instead.

*WARNING! Killer Rants with Liz does not recommend this action be taken by any reader. We are not to be held responsible for any violent response, nor negative outcomes to ones marriage or relationships. Touching ones own testicles is believed to lead to more intense and inappropriate fondling and should not be undertaken by persons unable to control themselves from such.

Comments(23) Posted by killer on 04/15 at 12:01 AM
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I think the maneuver might actually be illegal in some states.

By othurme on 2008 04 15
i might have actually paid to see liz pummel you on video. now THAT is entertainment.

By hello haha narf on 2008 04 15
Othurme:
I think it depends on the intent. If you are doing it in jest it is okay, but if you have malice in your heart...yes, it should be illegal.

Hello:
Now that doesn’t sound very pleasant. Liz loves a good joke.

By Killer on 2008 04 15
Even in cartoon form this disgusts me.

By liz on 2008 04 15
Yup. THAT would cause me to kick you in the gump cup.

By Absurdist on 2008 04 15
Um, yeah. What is it about guys that makes them think people want to experience their balls? I had a guy in a kilt make a big point to lift it up in order to sit on my coat so he could tell me he just tea bagged it. Nice...Or is it?

By churlita on 2008 04 15
“If you are doing it in jest it is okay, but if you have malice in your heart...yes, it should be illegal.”

There is no way in the world I would ever view this maneuver as “being in jest.” If anyone did it to me he would find himself with non-functioning go-gumps for the rest of his life.

In 4th grade Brian Q. pulled this move on me in the coatroom, but used a fart instead of go-gump juice. He is now a pediatrician in my uber-small home town. I really want to publish this story in our weekly paper just to humiliate him as badly as he did me, but I’m nicer now than I used to be.

By Gwen on 2008 04 15
Does anyone know how I change my gravatar? It seems silly to have Santa up there in April, but I’m too dumb/lazy to figure it out.

By Gwen on 2008 04 15
did gwen figure out the gravatar.com change photo thing yet?

liz - when you kick killer’s ass, make sure to get video footage. you can make the big bucks with that kind of stuff!

By hello haha narf on 2008 04 15
@hellohahanarf: No, she didn’t.

By Gwen on 2008 04 15
Liz:
You have never even tried it, you might love cup of gump.

Absurdist:
Why do woman always want to punch, or kick me in the balls? It’s my constant fear of harm befalling them that makes me constantly talk about them.

Churlita:
It’s a male ego thing. We assume all females have ball envy.

Gwen:
If you check out our “best of” section, and look under “idiot vernacular” I refer to THAT maneuver as the cup of soup.

Hello:
So much violence...this is an act of love and affection, not one of violence.

Gwen:
Go to gravatar.com, you should have an account, considering you have a gravatar. choose the email you want to modify, it gives you an option to “add a new one” meaning pic, load it up from your computer and it should take effect almost immediately.
If you still have problems, you can email me.

By Killer on 2008 04 15
Am I the only one who thought that something even worse would be described in this post?

By laughingattheslut on 2008 04 15
I think the giggling with the hand in your pants would’ve had me moving in another direction too . . . you get points for the attempt but lost more for lack of subtlety.

By Roadchick on 2008 04 15
The giggling will give you away every time. And having your hand down your pants… that too.

By abroad on 2008 04 15
Thanks, Killer! You’re the best!

By Gwen on 2008 04 16
Testing my new look and jacking up your stats.

By Gwen on 2008 04 16
Laughing:
I will try harder next time.

Roadchick and Absurdist:
It’s hard not to giggle when my hand is down there, they are ticklish.

Gwen:
Nice new avatar, and don’t build me up too much. I thrive on low expectations.

By Killer on 2008 04 16
giggle.

I wouldn’t think it so funny if someone gave ME a cup o gump, but someone else getting served? Fantastic!

By ginamonster on 2008 04 16
LOL! Maybe this time?

By Gwen on 2008 04 16
OMG!!!! This is making me crazy!

By Gwen on 2008 04 16
Last try. I hope this isn’t pissing you off as much as it is me.

By Gwen on 2008 04 16
Gina:
That is always the best for any joke, if it is done to someone else.

Gwen:
What the heck are you doing now? If you are trying to change your gravatar again...you don’t have to actually comment to see the change. It will go back and change the gravatar on all your previous posts. Not that you are not welcome to comment as much as you want.

By Killer on 2008 04 17
Killer:

Then it just isn’t working. At gravatar.com the only picture I have left is the new one - I finally lost patience and deleted the Santa one, so I have no freaking clue why it is still using it. I’m done.

By Gwen on 2008 04 17

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