Since When Is Homocide NOT Funny?
Tell me what you think.
I was helping my sister and brother in law move into their new home this weekend. The bro-in-law, Ray Ray, and myself, take a trek to the local, large hardware mega store in the hopes of acquiring the necessary supplies for a massive clean up.
For the record, don’t move into a freshly built home if the owner decided to cut costs by not pouring concrete walkways or a driveway, especially in the rain. (Mud EVERYWHERE!)
So, we are in the checkout line with a cart filled to capacity with brooms, mops, garbage cans, bags, plastic wrapping, various cleaning liquids, rubber tubing, and a super charged vacuum cleaner, and Ray Ray, being a homophobe, is concerned this makes us look gay. (Apparently straight men live in their own filth). While he is paying for the haul, undoubtedly fighting the cleaning-supply-induced doubts of his sexuality, when the prim and proper middle aged woman behind us, admiring our supplies, says, “My Goodness! It looks like you fellas are in for a bit of cleaning.”
I am going to jump ahead for a moment to tell you there was a debate on the appropriate reply to this comment. Ray Ray, with his usual manly bravado weakened by the gateway to illicit man-on-man sex that buying cleaning supplies leads to, wanted to comment on her lovely dress, but fought this back and said nothing. (claiming to not have heard her speak)
My decision for comment, although less orthodox, was “Yeah, who would have guessed an ex-wife would bleed so much.”
Looks of consternation. Lack of appreciation. These are the reasons I don’t shop at the large hardware mega stores.
Comments(8) 
Posted by killer on 12/19 at 12:09 AM-
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- mmo said
HOW TO MAKE YOUR E-PENIS BIGGER INSIDE!
ah a killer rant inside a killer rant website! well done sir
- heather said
in the odd chance that aliens haven’t kidnapped you and killer, i wanted to stop by and wish you all a good holiday season. if you can not only make it out to the other side still breathing and manage to have a little bit of fun in the process then you’ve done well.
- hello haha narf said
i’m up entirely too early and damned if there isn’t the cricut infomercial on. of course i thought of you. and wondered if you are using that damn awesome thing!
miss you and killer. hope all is well with you both.
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Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
lol, you killer are the type of guy i would have loved when i was running registar.
my comeback…
no more than the ex-husband did.
By heather on 2007 12 19
Well, you know Micheal Moore or somebody did this thing on TV where they moved into a house and pretended to be axe murderers.
No one noticed.
By laughingattheslut on 2007 12 19
oh how i love you!
that was awesome.
(although how bad is it that i am giggling at someone named “ray ray”?!??!?)
By hellohahanarf on 2007 12 19
I have never used rubber tubing for any type of cleaning project nor have I ever associated cleaning or cleaning products with gayness. My gays are every bit as sloppy as straight men. I’ve also known some straight men who were pretty compulsive cleaners. Rubber tubing is quite another story.
Too bad the nice lady didn’t say “My goodness, it looks like you fellas are in for a bit of fisting.”
By abroad on 2007 12 19
What is wrong with people? Who doesn’t love a good homicide joke?
By churlita on 2007 12 19
Seriously, who gets offended at this?
The proper response for a cashier in this situation is of course, “See you wouldn’t have had this trouble if you came in last week, we had a sale on plastic tarps.”
Good help is obviously in short supply these days.
By Dave on 2007 12 19
Heather:
Unfortunately the majority of big box store employee down here seem to be catatonic and void of personality.
Laughing:
I can appreciate this type of humor. My favorite Michael Moore (TV Nation), when they drove an 18 wheeler across the southern states with a giant USSR flag on the side (about 7 years AFTER the cold war ended) The truck was set on fire in Alabama, Mississippi and Texas.
Hello:
If you met Ray Ray in person, you’d still be laughing.
Abroad:
Yes, if she had mentioned fisting Ray Ray would have never shopped there again.
Churlita:
I almost said, “Who knew little kids bleed so much?” but I thought that would be received much worse.
Dave:
A quick witted sales clerk is always a must.
By killer on 2007 12 19
Abroad:
On a side note, the rubber tubing was actually to connect the water supply to the new fridge.
It just sounded more provocative to throw it in there unexplained.
By killer on 2007 12 19