Power to the People

Here at the People’s Democratic Republic of Killer Rants things have been great.  I can say that with pride because I have been the Despot since I founded this great land many moons ago. 

My advisory board tells me the people often refer to me as “The Father of Killer Rants” or sometimes “Killer the Magnificent”, but I pay them for their services, so they have been known to blow smoke up my despotic ass. 

I was watching Discovery Channel recently and saw that some dude named Lord Acton once said, “Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Great men are almost always bad men.” This got me to thinking: A.  I should quit watching Discovery Channel because it causes me to think too much, and that often leads to a headache.  B.  I should reconsider my Despotism. 

Is my absolute power over my domain corrupting my pure heart and noble intentions?  Although I doubt the people of Killer Rants would choose any other ruler, they might appreciate the gesture.  Instead of punishing those who speak out against me, usually by subjecting them to hours of my flatulence, I should embrace the constructive criticism.  I think the people would see this as magnanimous and maybe even elevate me to God status like those ancient Egyptians.  Now THOSE guys knew how to rule.  Who would deny a deity his every whim?  If Killer the Magnificent wants his balls rubbed with fancy oils then ALL SHOULD OBEY!  If not then Killer the Merciless shall BRING DOWN HORRIFIC THUNDER UPON THEIR HEADS!  Ask Liz about the thunder I can bring.  She has thrown me out of her house many times for sharing the thunder.

These are just the inane ramblings of a great and mighty ruler, so although it is pointless and probably never going to come to fruition, I expect all my loyal subjects to heed my words and give me some credit for at least THINKING about giving them the right to choose. 

Now...Who among my people shall volunteer to pop the zits on the royal behind? 

  • Thats an easy answer, quit watching Discovery channel. All Hail the great and powerful Killer

    By Topncal on 2008 02 05

  • “I should quit watching Discovery Channel because it causes me to think too much, and that often leads to a headache.”

    I’m sorry Killer, but this really isn’t an option for you.

    See, you committed to writing a blog.  And, unlike me, you’ve pretty much committed to writing a blog without all the “nobody cares what you had for lunch” stuff that I sometimes put in my blog. 

    So you’ve got to come up with ideas for posts.  Coming up for post ideas sometimes requires thinking.  So you really can’t change your routine in any way that makes you do less thinking.  Otherwise, all of Killer Rants could fade away.  And you just can’t let that happen.

    By laughingattheslut on 2008 02 05

  • You should get Playboy Channel.  No thinking, no headaches.

    By othurme on 2008 02 05

  • Dear Killer- I like your weblog; maybe you can help me set one up just like it or near it. Hey man, did you vote? I sure did. It was hard to pick cause I don’t want to choose a president that is pro-choice or one who believes in gay marriage. That would not be a good thing for the Country at all. I have no problems with gay people personally, I just don’t think that the Creator intended for same sex couples to be married. I’m sure this will rant on and on.

    Trav

    By Travis on 2008 02 05

  • topncal:
    Yeah, if it wasn’t for the occasional native tribe show where they show naked boobs, I would swear it off all together.

    Laughing:
    I don’t have to think to write Killer Rants...my balls tell me what to say.

    Othurme:
    I had the playboy channel, but I never left the house and really started to chafe.

    Trav:
    Thanks, if you really want help with a blog you should check out Jester he is the one who designed this one. 
    It’s too bad the Pro-Lifers hate Homosexuals so much.  There is really no group LESS LIKELY to have an abortion than a gay couple.

    By Killer on 2008 02 05

  • mmmmmmmm...rubbing oil on your balls or popping butt zits??¿?¿??  i’ll rub the oil on your balls!

    this mexican keyboard cracks me up...i have the ¿ key and don’t know how to use it...i guess i will just go back for more breakfast tequila and not worry bout it…

    By hellohahanarf on 2008 02 06

  • First of all, the Playboy channel sucks.  Get hardcore porn or literotica.  I mean, if you are going to do it, do it right.

    Second of all, you should try changing the despot to a dictatorship.  My mother was always in favor of benevolent dictatorships rather than democracies.  I have a feeling, however, that you would not be so benevolent. 

    As for oiling up your balls, well, be careful what you ask for.  You never specified what KIND of oil, and trust me, there are a lot of essential oils out there that could get you into a LOT of trouble, my friend, if a girl knows what she is doing.  And water ain’t gonna help.

    By Absurdist on 2008 02 06

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