NaBloPoMo Weekend Final Edition

This time next weekend I will be sitting on my ass recovering from a nasty hangover, not trying to squeeze out a last minute blog post from my constipated imagination. 

BUT, until then, here is the next to last wasted weekend edition.

I actually have something to talk about. 
First:  I am in Arkansas at my Grandparents house for this Thanksgiving holiday.  A special shout out to the loins from which I originated.  They actually read this blog on a regular basis.  If I had known that sooner, I would have probably kept things a little cleaner around here.  Or at least not spent so much time talking about rashes on my testicles.  Some things are meant just for strangers on the internet, not Grandmas.

Second weekend story:  On the last few miles to my Grandparents house a crazed deer jumped out in front of my vehicle.  It was quite sudden.  I always thought to myself, when people would relate a story of hitting a deer, “why didn’t you just stop?” Well, now I know the folly of my thought process.  Those sons of bitches are fast. 

Luckily I was not in my Jeep.  Not that it couldn’t handle the punishment, but who wants to spend the entire weekend scraping tiny deer chunks off the windshield?  Instead I was in my Brother-in-Law’s big souped up 4X4 truck.  It sits up nice and high so the deer could not roll up into the windshield. 

All we saw was a brief glimpse of a deer dashing out in front of the truck, then a momentary glance of a couple of antlers (four pointer for all you hunting enthusiasts out there), then I braked, he slid off the road, and I kept on driving. 

I would have stopped, except for two reasons: 1:  I was following my Dad who did not even slow down, he was racing away (probably had to poop or something).  2.  What was I going to do?  Strangle the last few breaths of life out of him?  I know he would have loved the opportunity to take my ass to the grave with him.  I am pretty sure that damn deer was hopped up on crack anyhow.  Why else would he have jumped out in front of giant truck?

Killing that deer with the truck was strangely invigorating.  I understand the thrill of hunting now.  I am still to lazy and impatient to sit it the woods and kill Bambi’s mom, but if she were to wander out onto the freeway, I might just speed up and/or swerve into her.  Don’t get me started on what I would do to Thumper’s ass if I saw it on the roadway.

In a Recap:
The things I am Thankful for this Thanksgiving:
My Family (for hoping there was an antler sticking out of the truck’s grill as a trophy.  I appreciate that kind of sick humor)
My Brother-in-Law’s Coon-Assedness (for insisting on taking a perfectly good brand new truck and jacking it up a few inches and putting giant tires on it)
My Brother-in-Law’s Lack of Blog Reading (I haven’t told him about his truck yet, the bumper is probably going to need replacing.  LSU lost last night (he went to the game instead of coming here), he would probably break down and cry at this point.)

•   Comments(6)    Posted by killer on 11/24 at 12:42 AM
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