I Want a DNA Transplant

My family is dragging me down genetically. 

My family is big people.  I have come to terms with that in my life. 

It even gave me a good excuse growing up for being a rotund individual; it wasn’t my fault, it’s genetics. 

Once I got into health care I became more aware of the other genetic traits that can be thrust upon a person.  High blood pressure, high cholesterol, joint disease, cancer, craziness, the list could go on forever.  If your parents and/or their parents have these problems, you have a good chance of developing the same medical/psycho issues.

After learning about this Darwinian handicapping I started taking inventory of what problems my parents were thrusting upon me.

Fat:  Medical Term- Obesity (one of my favorite quotes about this subject was from my BFF, Clib, who said at my Sister’s wedding, “Pound for Pound, that might be one of the biggest weddings ever.” my sister has been the most successful at fighting this, bringing shame to the family)
High Blood Pressure:  Medical Term- Hypertension (Just from my Dad, I can’t blame Maw for this one...Yet)
High Cholesterol:  Medical Term- Hyperlipidemia (Once again my Dad, can’t you lay off the deep fried bacon?)
Bad Joints:  Medical Term- Degenerative Joint Disease (Ouch, double team, both Maw and Paw Killer have shitty joints)
Skin Cancer:  Medical Term- Melanoma (Suddenly this year both my parents are reporting getting “spots removed” at the dermatologist.  And then my sister as well.  This was the final straw)
Smart Ass:  Medical Term- Contumelious Rectus (Severe disability that goes back many generations on my Mother’s side.  My Dad actually is the only nice person in my family, but I think years of abuse have jaded him.)