Emergency Room Rant part 1:  TV lies

Two...two posts in one week!  Muah, ha, ha, ha (said in Sesame Street’s “the count” speak)

I am currently working in an emergency room.  I have never done ER before, but it is not like the popular TV show.  Like the currently popular “Grey’s Anatomy”, sex and adventure are happening at break neck speeds on hospital based TV dramas.  That is not happening for me, and I for one, think this is going to lead a large portion of mislead youngsters into the medical profession who will be deeply disappointed with the cold, hard truth.

It is my goal, ney, my responsibility, to inform future ass-wipers that it is all a lie.  A clever ruse to entice a future generation of bright eyed professionals to forgo that dream of entering the fast paced world of accounts receivable, or diving into the soul satisfying career of insurance sales, and steer them towards the fecal-matter smattered health care industry. 

Despite my diligence in wearing tight, form fitting scrubs, cleverly coiffing my hair with fancy gels so that it appears like I just rolled out of bed and did NOT take the time to coif it, and giving come-hither glances to the few female doctors present, not once has it resulted in a passionate love-making session in a doctor’s lounge.  Not even a quick and dirty hand job in the broom closet.  Even when I was willing to slum it within my own ranks, my fellow nurses are not hot and horny.  Most are elderly, bitter and totally hardened by a life of manual labor.  They don’t even seem to notice when I “accidentally” let my scrub top hang open as I bend over, allowing my hairy chest and almost well formed pectoral muscles offer a fleeting glance. 

It is hard to turn on a group of women who have had to sponge bathe so many men; which is an event that the porn industry has mislead me to believe is an erotic encounter.  Believe me, people lying in bed for a few days become inexplicably more malodorous and dirty than a fat guy who just ran a marathon.  These women have also been traumatized by repeatedly coming into contact with the elusive “inny penis”.  Those of you who are comfortably ignorant might live under the assumption that only the belly button can be found in the inny or outy state, but you would be mistaken.  The more a female encounters the random “inny penis”, the more likely she is to believe they all eventually become as such, and decide not to bother with the whole endeavor. 

Heed my warning people.  The love triangles and crazy sexcapades displayed on TV hospital dramas, are not as plentiful as they portray.  I personally feel I might be in too deep to just give up now.  I will continue to flaunt my junk and walk seductively amongst the dead eyed, soulless co-workers of mine.  And when and if my time comes, and I get suddenly pulled into an empty room by two young, sexy nurses who for some unthinkable reason are wearing impossibly short nurse dresses made of latex rubber, I will know that I have been initiated into the secret under world of the health care industry. 

Three minutes after that, as I am putting my scrubs back on, I will begin the first manuscript for my new TV show.

•   Comments(5)    Posted by killer on 03/04 at 08:37 PM
•   Digg   del.icio.us   Fark   StumbleUpon