Dude Looks Like A Lady

The following is true.  The names have been changed to protect the innocent.

The evening begins with the strict game plan of going for a few quick drinks and then straight to bed.  They have been drinking too much lately and don’t intend to kill off the all important liver just yet.  They head to a small, laid back bar that they have frequented almost every night, but still don’t know the name of.  They just refer to it as “the patio” since it’s entire front wall is glass with a sliding glass door.  Too many beers are had at this location so the decision is made to go next door to a more happening joint called The Bedrock. 

The Bedrock qualifies as more happening because there are actually females at there.  The Patio, which is normally appreciated for it’s quiet and calm, seems dead and has a severe lack of members of the opposite sex.

Jimbo protests as they get up from the table at The Patio, “I thought we were going to bed early tonight.”
Jethro and Billy Bob both slam back their second shot of tequila and in unison shout, “quit being a pussy!”
Jimbo quickly realizes this night has the potential for trouble, but wanting to be a team player, heads next door with the team. 
They enter The Bedrock and are immediately shown to a table marked “reserved”.  The team settles in and begins to enjoy the band. 

The band is the usual local act.  A large band with at least three lead singers--usually one guy and two hot chicks.  The band is usually really good, but choose to cover all the really bad pop-rock and R&B hits.  (examples:  Nickleback, TLC, Rihanna, Hinder, etc.)

Enough alcohol has been enjoyed to appreciate the bands musical prowess, but ignore the poor choice in songs.  Also enough alcohol is involved that when one of the super hot lead singers dedicates a song to Jimbo he thinks she is actually into him.

Jimbo excitedly yells to the table, “Holy Fuck, that super hot singer is coming on to me!”
Jethro rolls his eyes, “Sure, I bet she never dedicates songs to random audience members.”
“Fuck you, and quit looking at my girlfriend.” Jimbo yells back while straightening his shirt collar.  “She wants me--I can tell.”

The song ends and Jimbo eagerly awaits the next dedication, but she instead points to a group of Korean men who are dressed in business suits.

Jethro looks at Jimbo with a faux stunned look, “Dude, I think those guys are making a move on your woman.”
“They are!” Jimbo screams, clutching his beer threateningly.  “It’s go time.  You got my back?”
Jethro takes a slug from his beer, “Absolutely not.”
Jimbo looks hurt and Billy Bob suddenly realizes a conversation is being held so he tosses back his most recent shot of tequila and shouts, “Who, What, are we gonna rumble?  I got your back Jimbo!  You just point to the person and I’ll commence to pounding!”
Jethro looks at Jimbo and says, “look what you’ve done now, you got Billy Bob all worked up.”

Then as Billy Bob is busy sizing up the entire population of the club for pounding when the time comes, Jimbo notices a couple of girls sitting behind Jethro, obviously checking out Jethro’s physique. 

“Yo, Jethro, don’t look now, but you got a couple of ladies checking you out.”
Jethro slyly turns in his seat and peers over at the ladies.  “I think one of them might be a dude.”
“Well, then you have one lady and one lady-boy checking you out.” Jimbo coolly replies.
“It is a well known fact that lady-boys travel in pairs, so I’m not gonna take that chance.” Jethro advises.

We continue to enjoy the band in relative peace until suddenly Jethro gets a tap on the shoulder.  It is the less suspiciously man looking one of the two girls.  She bends close to Jethro, says something into his ear and nods her head back towards her friend.  She then walks away.

Jimbo leans to Jethro and yells over the music, “What was that all about?”
Jethro looks unconcerned and says, “She says her friend wants to meet me.”
“Who the lady-boy?”
“I guess.”

Suddenly both girls are standing next to our table, the first introduces Jethro to the second girl.  Jethro gives both a cold, yet polite, reception and continues to watch the band.  Both girls giggle and walk back to their own table.

Billy Bob who has been busy drinking tequila and beer up till now, suddenly comes alive with curiosity.  “What the hell was that all about?  Who were they?  Do they want to party?  Why are you too guys sitting over here?  Are you both gay?  Did you both just come out of the fucking closet or something?  I am going over there.”

Billy Bob gets up and makes a bee-line to the girls table.  Literally a bee-line, since he is stumbling so much to make it.

Before long both girls are lead back to the table with the rest of the guys.  They all sit down.  Jimbo realizing a odd number now, decides to take this chance to beat a hasty escape and go to bed, thus leaving Billy Bob and Jethro to sort out the sex of these ladies.

At about four AM, Jimbo is awakened by Jethro entering the hotel room.  “Dude, where is Billy Bob?”
“I left him at the bar.  The last I saw him he was making out with one of those girls.”
“The one that looked like a lady-boy?”
“I think it was the other one, but I can’t be sure.”

Morning arrives and when Jimbo and Jethro wake up it is around ten AM and still no sign of Billy Bob.  Finally just before noon, Billy Bob enters the room.

“That was a late night.  Where have you been?” asked Jimbo, but afraid to hear the answer.
“I ended up going back to a room with that girl.” Billy Bob sheepishly answered. 
“Did you have sex?”
“No, we made out for awhile--we got close but she wouldn’t take off her panties.  Why do you think that is?”

Jimbo and Jethro both start laughing and look at each other.  “Probably because she had a penis in there.”
Billy Bob looked shocked, “Dude, that’s not funny.  She had tits.”
Jethro still rolling around his bed in laughter, “I hear you can get those pretty cheap over here.”
Billy Bob becoming more alarmed, “No way, I am pretty sure she was all woman.”
“Pretty Sure!?!” Jimbo shouted.  “Isn’t that something you should be positive about.”
Billy Bob becoming irritated, “You know what I mean.  She was NOT a dude.  I think I would have noticed a bulge in her panties.”
“Not if she tucked it between her legs.  Here let me show you.” Jethro said as he stood up.
“Dude, get your hand out of your underwear.  I am not having this discussion anymore.  She was 100% woman.”

Jethro and Jimbo would continue laughing and making fun of Billy Bob until he finally goes into the shower.  Once Billy Bob finally comes out more ribbing begins.

“So, what time did HE leave this morning.” Jethro asks.
“About nine....HEY!  I told you He was a SHE!  Now fuck off!”

Billy Bob still stands by his claim that she was a female, and she probably was, but that does not mean that he won’t be given shit about it for the rest of his life.

•   Comments(6)    Posted by killer on 09/13 at 12:42 AM
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