Death Before Dishonor:  Giver of Light

Continuing the series that focuses on my deceptive ways, we now shoot ahead a few months to my next job.  I was a door man at a local movie theater; Meadowbrook Cinema Six.

I really enjoyed this job, not just for the free movies, all you can eat popcorn or the really cool polyester jacket/bowtie combo, but there was never a manager for almost the entire eight months I worked there; only two “assistant managers” who made about fifty cents more an hour than me.  It was utter anarchy.

I stress almost in that last statement, because at the very end of my tenure we did finally receive a new manager, straight from the corporate office.  He immediately stated his intentions “to clean this hell hole up, and run it like a well oiled machine.” No one wanted that kind of pressure after so long a period of relative free reign and an endless supply of goobers.

One night after a rousing speech announcing the end of the unofficial door man policy of letting large groups in through the side door for half price (all proceeds to be split evenly among all the doormen), the manager retired to his office to hide from the Friday night rush. 

We were jam packed for the seven oclock showing.  It was an exceptionally busy night with the one-two punch of Boys in the Hood and Terminator 2.  I was making my rounds outside, looking for large groups to sneak in through the side door (you can’t expect us to quit cold turkey!), when I noticed the C-I-N-E-M-A lights were not lit up above the theater. 

I could not remember if they were usually lit up or not.  I am not usually very observant.  I did not want to look like an idiot and ask if they should be turned on, so I just walked back to the control room and looked for a switch to turn them on. 

There is a flaw in the system here, that is part coincidence and part poor labeling.  C-I-N-E-M-A just so happens to have six letters, and we just so happened to have six theaters (hence the name Meadowbrook Cinema 6).  In the control room are six large breaker switches, above them labeled very neatly with fancy labeling tape it says, “CINEMA LIGHTS”.  On each individual switch are the numbers 1-6.

You can see the ease in this up coming mistake, can’t you?

I proceed to flip each switch up.  I then calmly stroll out into the main lobby, out the front door to admire my handy work. 

The lights are not on. 

I come back inside confused, but already losing interest in the whole ordeal. 

Suddenly all the movie goers are filing out of the theaters into the main lobby.  Many look very perturbed.  They all come in unison and start asking, “what the hell is going on?”

After some quick questions by the manager, it comes out that the emergency flood lights have been turned on in not one, but all six theaters.  Soon the entire lobby is filled with a few hundred angry, yelling customers.  All demanding a refund.

The manager decides that he can not give EVERY one a refund, that would look really bad, especially during his first month.  As he tries to explain this point, many are growing more and more robust in their anger.

The vast majority leave in disgust, vowing to never return to this shitty theater.  Those that were diligent enough to stick it out however, got a full refund. 

I kept my mouth shut the entire time. 

Once the crowd was dispersed the manager went about trying to figure out why the theater lights had mysteriously turn on.  He was studying each theater and looking to see if any fire alarms had been pulled, he even called the fire department to see if they had received any alarms. 

In an effort to end the mystery, I still wanted to try and get some people in the side door for the nine oclock show, I walked into the control room and yelled, “Here is the problem...somebody flipped all the breakers.”

The control room quickly filled with gawking employees and the manager.  It was determined, after a round of denials from all the staff, it must be some punk kids. 

The manager decides to place a “security guard” at the door to protect it from happening again.  He would later spend a couple hundred dollars to have a special key pad entry lock on that door to prevent vandals and hooligans from wrecking business. 

He would later request to be transferred to another facility.  A facility not so over run with insolent staff and crazed punk kids turning all the lights on.

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