Could My Mom Be A Cougar?
Our culture loves the fad terminology. The latest horrific concept to grasp us all by the short and curlies: Cougar.
I kept hearing this term and thought maybe it had some cute, clever meaning, like MILF. I knew what it was describing, but I kept trying to think what the letters could stand for. Finally I went to the site for all things cool and hip, urbandictionary.com. It apparently doesn’t stand for anything, but refers to “older women” who go to clubs to pick up young dudes for some lovin’.
Apparently it is better to have five, 2.5 minute, episodes of sex in a night, instead of one, four hour, episode, in which half the time is spent getting it up. It must really suck to be a woman. It’s either pre-mature ejaculation or impotence.
I kept researching this concept, and was picturing saggy sixty year old women, with too much plastic surgery, all gussied up in a mini skirt and fur coat hitting the discos. Then I found the age criteria. Apparently a cougar is any chick over thirty five who is searching for a younger man to use for sexual pleasures.
It hit me, most females I hang out with are over thirty five. Maybe they are Cougars. One in particular you might be familiar with...Her name begins with an L and rhymes with Jiz.
Another thought occurred to me, “I’m thirty five! That means women my age are now seeking younger men.” But, if older men are looking for younger women, and older women are looking for younger men, what the hell does that mean for me? Do I start trying to bang fifty year old chicks, or do I focus on eighteen year olds? I know which way I WANT to steer, but I need to play the odds here.
I’m soooo damn confused right now.
Maybe I should start trying to dress younger, so I can bag a girl my own age.
Answer some questions I have...Do any of you gals out there relish the term Cougar? Does anyone refer to themselves as that? Do women find a catholic school BOY outfit hot?
Comments(15) 
Posted by killer on 05/21 at 11:18 PM-
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You’ve got yourself a quandary there. Being two weeks from 39 and very single, I DO NOT relish the term. I’ve unintentionally landed a couple 20-somethings in the past few years, but did not consider myself a cougar, just lucky. I think the moniker implies intent and I did not go looking for them. In fact, I’d prefer a nice man, my age, who has a good head on his shoulders and between his legs. And now you may know a whole lot more about me than you wanted.
By Gwen on 2008 05 22
I live in a college town, so there aren’t very many men my own age around. I would much rather date a single guy in his forties, but since apparently they’re urban legends, I got to go with what I have...And that is guys who are in their early thirties and late twenties. Sigh.
By churlita on 2008 05 22
Gwen:
That statement sounds very Cougarish.
Churlita:
Don’t act all downtrodden about that. It could be worse, you could be living in a retirement community and have nothing but seventy year olds chasing you.
By Killer on 2008 05 22
I thought with 3 you would have the ladies lined up at your door.
By I.P. on 2008 05 22
Cougars? I guess it is better than calling them mellencamps.
By dmarks on 2008 05 23
Damnit.
By Gwen on 2008 05 23
Liz rhymes with a lot of things. Why ‘jiz’, my brother? WHY?
I aspire to BE a cougar. It’s my dream job.
By liz on 2008 05 24
My Mom Is 45 years old and her new boyfriend is 30years old does this make her a cougar, or a craddle robber? My mother is dating a younger guy then I am.
By Paddy Cakes on 2008 07 01
Nicely written article. Thanks for sharing with us.
By ffxi gil on 2008 09 15
looks like you are in a bind
By steve on 2008 10 27
g3y0wj8hz8jx2e6n
By Sue Duke on 2008 11 12
I think the moniker implies intent and I did not go looking for them. In fact, I’d prefer a nice man, my age, who has a good head on his shoulders and between his legs. And now you may know a whole lot more about me than you wanted
Retractable Banner Stands
By Retractable Banner Stands on 2008 11 18
wait so ur mom is 45 and dating a 30 year old who’s younger than you? So she shat you out her womb when she was 14? and now she’s preying on guys younger than her son? Man ur mom’s a slutbag!
By urmom69 on 2010 04 19
People who hunt Lion (Mountain or African) use PACKS of dogs. The way lions are ‘programed’ makes them very difficult for even a pack of 8-12 to fight.Rhodesian Ridgebacks were bred specifically to hunt African Lions (Rhodesia is now part of Zimbabwe).Getting involved in pack hunting of wild game is risky business. It should not be entered into with out a ton of thought, plenty of financial security and good aim (camera or rifle). Getting a dog for the purpose of ‘fighting off a cougar’ is NOT a good idea. It will lead to heart-break and potential charges if you are caught poaching.
By carrying cases on 2010 05 15
Although I have supreme confidence in my testicular superiority, I am
What if she throws the meat 70-635 curtain around me and, even without the ink spray, it ensnares me and pulls me into a pit. A pit where there are the bones of other unfortunate men, maybe a big pile of bleach white bones of varying age and 70-638 size. Suddenly a pile of bones behind me tumbles over and as I spin I find myself face to face with a living guy with a long flowing beard. He tells me he has been trapped there for years. He 70-639 is all gaunt and wearing a loin cloth like Tom 70-640 Hanks in “Cast Away”. Except he’s a midget...yeah, he’d be a midget.
By Clark on 2010 10 09